Forbidden Passion
by Brucatul-grl
Summary: Her best friend, her boyfriend...and her best friends boyfriend. Serena thought she loved her boyfriend,but then why couldn't she get her best friend's boyfriend out of her mind..or her heart.  d/s/n,s/n/b,s/d/v..twisted
1. Chapter 1

Serena pretended she didn't notice. She didn't _want_ to notice. But she always noticed.

She always caught their little pecks, admiring gazes, and touchy moments. She couldn't handle it. It hurt to watch. But what she hated most was that she couldn't even hate them. She loved them both, and couldn't imagine life without either of them.

But then why wouldn't it hurt less?

She shook her head, and turned back to the guy in front of her. Her boyfriend, the man she loved... or thought she did.

He was the perfect guy, caring, loving, extremely funny, and just an overall great guy. But the thing was, it wasn't just with her. She had to share him with his best friend. The girl next to him right now.

Vanessa.

They were at a party, a party that Blair's mom had set up. _She_ had invited her boyfriend Dan, but she didn't get why Vanessa tagged along. Why would she want to be at a place she wasn't even invited too.

Why did Dan always bring her everywhere.

And why did Vanessa not leave them alone.

The sad thing was though, it was always_she_ that felt like the third wheel.

Serena played with the ring on her middle finger, trying to avoid her boyfriend playfully flirting with his best friend... and trying to avoid _them._

They were cuddling in a corner. Those piercing eyes always managed to send shivers through her spine, and now she burned inside, knowing that it could've been her in that corner with him. He had come to her, and she had turned him down.

She always felt sad remembering that time, remembering his face, and her words.

_I didn't come back for you._

It hadn't been a complete lie, she had been forced back because of her little brother's condition, but she knew, she knew that deep down she had also come for him. She wanted, no needed to see him again.

But she had also partially come back for her best friend.

She was half of her. They were two pieces, incomplete without the other. She felt empty without her best friend. And even though they weren't much of best friends at times, they did love each other. They always had. They understood each other.

Serena smiled sadly.

She didn't know what to feel.

She had really thought she was over him. She was happy with Dan, she really was. He treated her like she was really someone special.

Or he had before Vanessa came back. Now it seemed like he was always with her.

Whenever she called, she could always hear Vanessa in the back. It hurt her, it really did. But she couldn't say anything, because he would always compare Vanessa to Blair. He would always state that she was like a Blair for him.

But even she didn't seem to be with Blair as much as he was with Vanessa.

But she didn't even know what hurt more.

Dan and Vanessa.

or

Them.

**A/n I absolutely **_**love**_** gossip girl. Have read all the books, working on the prequel now, never miss an episode. This story is TV based, by the way, and I really hope people enjoyed the starting of this story.**

**Going through the gg page, I noticed mostly Blair centered, thus, this story was created.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Serena,"

Serena didn't turn around. She didn't want him to see the hurt on her face, and she didn't want to see the confusion on his.

He pulled off his jacket and put it around her shivering shoulders; she hadn't known how cold it was on the balcony, until he covered her bare shoulders with the warmth.

"I saw you leave,"

Serena felt the pace of her heartbeat pick up, not responding to him at all.

"It feels like we hardly know each other anymore," He murmured, standing next to her, looking out at the city lights before them.

Serena shrugged; it was the tiniest movement that was hardly noticeable.

"I miss you." He whispered with a hint of remorse in his voice.

Serena felt a tear pool around her eyes, not sure why it was there, as she turned to him.

"I miss you too, Nate."

Nate frowned at her tear, his fingers lifting to her face, slowly wiping it away, his finger lingering a moment longer before he finally pulled back.

He didn't say anything, but Serena could see feel his familiar eyes questioning her.

"Where's Blair?"

Nate sighed, turning away from her, "She's your best friend, you know how she is,"

"That's not a proper answer," She whispered, turning back to look out over the balcony.

"How's Dan," Nate questioned ignoring her.

Serena smiled sadly, "He's a good boyfriend… most of the time,"

Nate nodded seriously, "Who's that Vanessa chick?"

"His best friend,"

"Best friends always come in the way," Nate mused.

Serena frowned, turning to him, "Why do I feel like we're not talking about Vanessa," Serena accused, "Are you talking about me," She finished, hurt masking her beautiful face, "Cause I didn't mean to ever come in between-…"

"Who says I'm not talking about Blair?"

Serena froze. She held her breath, not sure how to respond.

"Nate, Serena,"

They both turned to see Blair poking her head in the doorway, "What are you guys doing here?" She questioned suspiciously.

"Uh…" Serena began.

"Just getting fresh air, it's suffocating in there," Nate interrupted, watching Serena.

Blair put her arms around his waist leaning up to peck his lips, causing Serena to look away.

"I wanna dance," She stated, taking his hand and pulling him back toward the doorway, but turned just as they were about to enter, "Uhm you think you can get me some wine, I'll be right there,"

When smiled after Nathan, and then turned to Serena.

"Hey S, you seem a little upset?"

Serena plastered a fake smile, "No, just tired I guess,"

Blair nodded, "Well, Dan was looking for you," She stated, "Hold on to him, before the best friend strikes, and trust me, they strike fast," She hissed coolly, before taking Nate's jacket off her shoulders and taking it in with her.

Serena watched after her, not able to keep the hurt off her face.

"Serena, come inside, it's cold out there,"

Serena looked up to see Dan's concerned face come out onto the balcony.

"It's not _that_ cold," Serena stated, as she let Dan hold her in his arms.

"You're shivering, but it's not _that_ cold," Dan questioned, with a raised brow.

Serena smiled, and led him back inside.

"So Serena thanks for leaving me in there," He whispered in her ear, as his arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"You had Vanessa,"

She could feel his hands loosen around her, as he looked into her eyes, "What's that suppose to mean,"

"It means you weren't alone, so it doesn't matter that much,"

"But you're my girlfriend, and you brought me here, Vanessa doesn't count as she knows these people as much as I do,"

"What do you mean these people?"

"You know, the stuck up rich kids," Dan explained, rolling his eyes.

"Dan… I'm part of these people," Serena whispered, challengingly.

"You know what I meant,"

"But Dan, you wouldn't want me to go to Brooklyn and refer to the people living there as _these_ people. I thought we were past that,"

Dan nodded, "I'm sorry Serena, we _are_ past that, I didn't mean it… Ok you're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't categorize them like that,"

Serena nodded, letting Dan lower his head to her neck, and nibbling on it slightly.

Serena smiled, "I love you, Dan,"

"I love you… Vanessa,"

"What?!"

"No, I mean Vanessa," he corrected, motioning behind her.

Serena turned to see Vanessa nearing them smiling, "Here you two are, I was looking all over for you guys!"

Serena couldn't help but roll her eyes slightly, _like always,_ she muttered bitterly.

**A/n I finished the prequel and it was awesome! I recommend it to all gossip girl lovers! I loved it, yet I hated it **_**so**_** much! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

Serena watched as Vanessa stood beside Dan, as if they were the couple. This caused Serena to frown slightly.

_Why doesn't Vanessa understand that Dan is HER boyfriend! _

"Dan, I just got the best footage of these two girls making out, let's get out of here before they find me!" Vanessa exclaimed, excitedly.

Serena rolled her eyes inwardly.

"Why do you always have to have people hunting you down everywhere," Dan asked, with mock disappointment, but what really sounded… sort of affectionate.

Vanessa giggled, "Let's go!"

Dan looked back towards Serena, "Serena is it okay if I take a leave, and drop this crazy girl home before some chicks make victim of her."

Serena wanted to refuse, _this always happened, just because they both lived in Brooklyn, didn't mean they had to come and leave together. Or that Vanessa got to decide when they left. _

But of course Serena couldn't argue, "Sure," she muttered.

"Thanks," He said, as he leaned in to peck her lips quickly before slipping into his jacket, "I'll call you later,"

Serena nodded, disappointedly.

But Dan didn't notice, as he was busy being led out by Vanessa.

Serena frowned.

_It wasn't fair; it wasn't fair that she had to share her boyfriend with Vanessa, ALL the time. Every time Dan was with her, and they were happy, Vanessa bud herself in, and Dan always let her._

Serena let herself out, not even bothering to get a taxi, and just ended up walking home alone.

Serena had just gotten out of her dress and into pj's when she heard her phone go off. Serena checked the caller id to see that it was Dan. She contemplated not answering it, but eventually gave in.

"Hello,"

"Hey Serena, it's your boyfriend," Dan greeted.

"Oh, sometimes I forget I have one," Serena answered, slight bitterness in her voice.

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Serena answered, giving a fake laugh.

"Not funny Serena, I never forget what a gorgeous girlfriend I have," Dan replied smiling, "I think of you _all _the time," he answered slyly.

_Yeah except when Vanessa is around._

"Doesn't feel like it,"

Dan frowned, "Is this about leaving to drop Vanessa off?"

_Genius in the house._

Serena didn't respond, not wanting to give it to him, and creating a fight over it… or her.

"Because if it is, I asked you, and you said okay,"

"Yeah, while you were getting your jacket," Serena pointed out, anger slowly rising in her body.

"Serena, don't even try to make a big thing out of this, you know I love you, then why do you get mad over the littlest things,"

"Why did Vanessa come to the party today?" Serena asked suddenly.

"What? Because," He answered lamely.

"Because why?" Serena challenged.

"Why does that matter?"

"You brought another girl to a party I invited you too, is why it matters."

"It's just Vanessa," Dan answered as if that explained it all.

"It's just Vanessa as in another girl, Dan,"

"But she always comes, why's it a big deal now,"

"That's just it, she _always _comes!"

"But Serena-…"

"I should be enough for you Dan," Serena whispered vulnerably.

"You are!" Dan insisted.

"Then why do you always bring Vanessa everywhere. She's always around! When do we get to be together, _just the two of us?_"

"We are together,"

"Honestly, I don't remember the last time it was just the two of us, without Vanessa already being there, or interrupting."

"Remember when we had started, you were always running off to Blair. And I understood, because she's your best friend."

"Dan, that is _nothing_ like this."

"How is it different?"

"First of all, Blair is not the opposite sex, and second of all I didn't bring her everywhere we went," Serena explained, exasperated.

"Fine, I won't bring Vanessa to any parties, are you happy now?"

"No, because you don't understand why, and you don't think you're wrong,"

"All I understand is you're insecure of Vanessa,"

Serena frowned, "Why the hell would I be insecure of her?"

"I don't know," Dan answered, "Because it's obvious I love you,"

"It's not so obvious!"

"I don't get it! Do you want me to cut Vanessa off and be all over you all the time?" Dan asked, getting frustrated.

"Oh my god, you know what, just don't call me right now. Let's end this conversation here," She declared, trying to cool herself down.

"So what does this mean? Are we cool? Do I still have to break my best friend off?"

"Dan! Just, ARGH!" she yelled frustrated, shutting the phone and throwing it on the bed.

She wanted to scream in agitation, as angry tears spilled from her eyes. Serena wiped them away in frustration; _it's all because of Vanessa's sick obsession with my boyfriend! Why doesn't she just go find a life and boyfriend of her own, why is she trying to be me! Why does she need to be with Dan all the time, that isn't where she belongs, because Dan belongs with me. Why can't she just leave us alone!_

Serena pulled on her robe, and left her room sadly. She couldn't sleep, if she stayed in that room one more minute she would probably do something stupid like call Dan back, and let another fight ensue, and let Vanessa take advantage of that and get her claws into Dan the second Serena turns away.

Serena fell back onto her couch and grabbed the remote, and flipped through the channels lamely, determined to be distracted.

After a couple of minutes she gave up, and grabbed her cell out of her room sitting back onto her couch, with her feet tucked underneath her.

She would usually call Blair at this time, but after her harsh words earlier tonight, it probably wasn't the best idea. She looked down at her phone, and scrolled through her contacts until she landed on Nate.

Serena shook her head; obviously she couldn't call Nate.

_They why did she want to, why did she want to talk to Nate so badly._

Before her brain could stop her, Serena quickly hit the _call_ button. But just as it started to ring, Serena's heart started thumping wildly and she quickly hit the _end_ button.

_What the hell am I doing? I can't call Nate!_

But the phone started ringing a second later, causing Serena to freak. She glimpsed at the phone to realize in horror, that it was Nate.

He was calling back!

_Shit._

Serena wanted to throw the phone away from her, and her racing heartbeat was making it hard to think, but when the ringing wouldn't stop, Serena took a deep breath before answering it, "Hello," she greeted with the most composure she could manage.

"Serena," Answered the familiar husky voice, sending a shiver through Serena.

"Uhm hi, Nate," Serena answered uneasily.

"You called?"

"Uhm oh, I just accidentally hit your name in my callers id, sorry to disturb you," Serena covered up, hating how lame it sounded.

"Uh, it's okay. I'm glad you did," He said, and Serena could just imagine him running his hand through his shaggy hair.

"You are… I should probably go,"

"No, wait Serena, let's talk. I just left Blair's place, and I was on my way home, and I just passed the coffee shop we use to always go to for your morning hangovers,"

Serena laughed, "I remember. I was such a weird girl; coffee and a cream cheese bagel were like my medicine,"

"Yeah," Nate agreed chuckling, "And you use to always drag me along,"

Serena smiled, "Shut up Nate, _you_ were the one who use to always come pick me up every morning, and drag me out of bed , even when I was too tired to get up,"

Nate laughed, "That's cause you use to beg me to, the night before,_before_ you went crazy on the alcohol,"

Serena giggled embarrassed, "I remember,"

"It was like our tradition,"

"Yeah, sometimes even before school began, we would go and make them open the doors for us," Serena whispered, a smile never leaving her lips as she remembered a time not too long time ago, when life had seemed so close to perfect.

Nate's voice softened, "We were so close,"

"I miss it… I miss you," Serena blurted out before she could stop herself.

There was a pause in which Serena mentally kicked herself, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that-…" But Serena was cut off.

"I miss… us," Nate whispered.

Serena felt her heart beat quicken, like it always did with Nate, and she couldn't help the sad smile that covered her face. It felt so good to hear those words from Nate, and for a moment she forgot all about her boyfriend, and her best friend.

"Me too,"

A few seconds ticked away, no one spoke, both with sad smiles on their faces, before Nate broke in.

"Serena,"

"Yeah,"

"Meet me at the coffee shop,"

"Nate-…"

"Serena, just meet me there,"

"Now? Nate it's the middle of the night, we can't just-…"

"See ya there in ten," He stated, before disconnecting the phone.

"Nate, wait!" Serena begged, before realizing he was already gone. She sighed, putting her phone away.

Serena didn't know what to do. A part of her wanted to go more then anything, the other part of her –the more reasonable part of her, told her she shouldn't. Even if they were just going to the coffee shop, she felt like she was betraying Dan and Blair.

_She shouldn't go, just go to sleep Serena. You can't go see Nate, you shouldn't, you still have feelings for him, and by seeing him it will make things worse. Just put some space between you and Nate, and soon you will forget about those last lingering feelings you still have for him. Yes, that's right. She shouldn't go, it was decided._

Unfortunately, all the while she was pulling on her jacket and grabbing her purse…

**A/n **

**Next chapter : S/N meet up?**

**How will this effect their relationships with their respected others?**

**Will S/D patch up? Or will V continue getting in the way, and end up pushing S right back to N? Will N be able to leave B? Will B let N leave, or be with S? **

**What's going on with the S/B friendship?**

**Which love is stronger? D/S & N/B OR N/S ?**

**To find out **

**R & R ! **


	4. Chapter 4

Serena hailed a taxi and was at the all too familiar place within minutes. Serena hesitantly stepped out of the taxi, and self consciously walked into the place that held so many good memories.

She saw Nate the second she walked in. He was sitting at the same table they had always sat at. She glanced around the place in remorse; she hadn't been in this place for so long, the place that at one time, she couldn't go a week without.

Of course it was usually because of her hangovers, but she knew that a tiny part of her had always gone just to spend some alone time with Nate, without Blair. Blair never came to the coffee shop with them, because firstly, she hated coffee, and second of all, she didn't like getting up early.

Nate waved her over, and Serena could see that he had already ordered their coffee and bagel –the usual.

"I'm glad you came," he stated, as soon as she sat down.

"I almost didn't," she whispered, shrugging.

"I'm glad you did,"

"I probably shouldn't,"

Nate sighed, "Serena, why can't we still be friends? There is nothing wrong with two friends getting together to have coffee, so why did we let our relationships get in between us?" He asked, his eyes locked with her, causing her to look away.

"Serena," Nate whispered, when she wouldn't look up to meet his gaze.

Serena hesitantly looked back up at him, "Nate," Serena wanted nothing more then to put her arms around his neck and just kiss him. She missed him so much, and everything about him was just so perfect. He was the best looking guy she had ever seen, in her eyes.

Serena played with the napkin unconsciously, as he continued to look at her, "I really missed you," He stated, taking a sip of his coffee.

Serena smiled awkwardly, "I was always around Nate,"

"I missed _hanging out_ with you, Serena," He corrected.

Serena nodded, not able to tell him that she missed him too.

"How are things with Blair?"

"They're good,"

Serena felt a slight tug at her heart, and it surprised her. _Did she want him to tell her that things were horrible, and that he wasn't happy in his relationship with her best friend?_

Serena nodded, pursing her lips in annoyance.

"How about Dan?" Nate asked, with slight resentment.

"He's great," Serena answered evenly.

Nate nodded, his jaw clenched slightly, "That's good,"

Serena held his glare for a second, before she sighed, "Look I'm sorry,"

"You know what; let's not talk about them,"

Serena nodded, "Yeah," She took a bite into her bagel and moaned happily, "Oh my god Nate, this tastes _so _good, I never had a bagel since the last time we were here, and I never realized how much I miss them,"

Nate laughed, "Remember the time when you made us come here at 2 in the morning?"

Serena jumped up putting her index finger to his lips, "We _never _mention that ever! You promised!"

_Flashback_

"_Serena wait!" _

_Serena ignored him, as she continued to swagger in the middle of the road._

"_Where the hell are you going?!" Nate yelled, trying to be heard over the loud thunder._

_It was pouring like mad, and there was loud ear shattering thunder, yet Serena seemed not to notice. The cold was causing Nate to shudder, and zip up his sweater as he picked up his pace._

_He could hear the giggle. It was the innocent angelic sound that made his heart flutter every time, and he couldn't help but laugh at the situation as he followed the beautiful girl ahead of him._

_He had been dropping Serena off in the taxi, from the party at Blair's, but as soon as the taxi stopped at a red light, the drunk Serena jumped out and started to run. Of course, Nate was right behind her, trying to get her to come back._

"_Serena!" He shouted again, slightly frustrated. She was wearing a short jean skirt, and a black tank top, while he was in jeans and a long sleeved shirt, as well as a hooded sweater, and he was freezing, he could just imagine how horrible it must be for her._

_Nate jogged up quickly, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her around to face him, "Serena, what are you doing!" _

"_I wan' a bagel," She answered, her voice slightly slurred from the amount of alcohol._

_As much as the answer frustrated him, Nate tried to play along to get her to listen, "I'll get you one tomorrow morning,"_

_She pushed away from him, "No! I want one now!" she insisted stubbornly, turning to run away from him._

_But Nate was too fast, and he blocked her quickly, grabbing her shoulders, "Serena, it's 2 in the morning, we're in a storm, you're drunk out of your mind, and you need to go home!" _

_Serena listened, causing Nate to think she might have actually listened, until she dropped to the ground in front of him, burying her face in her hands and burst out crying._

_Nate bent down and pulled her up again, she was limp against him, forcing him to hold her up by the waist and keep her up, "What's wrong?"_

"_My mom's going to be mad,"_

"_Why?"_

"_She made me promise yesterday not to drink, if she sees me like this," Serena motioned to herself, "She'll get mad, I need to get a bagel and coffee, so I can go back to normal,"_

_Nate looked at her teary face and it took him everything not to burst out laughing, "Serena, a bagel and coffee will not make you sober, you do know that right,"_

"_Yes it will, and we need to go now!" Serena declared, attempting to break free from his hold on her._

_Nate smiled, as he watched her pretty eyes plead for him to get her a bagel. The rain dripping off her face, wiping away the mascara she had carefully put on. There was mascara staining her cheeks, but to him, she had never looked more beautiful. His best friend, his girlfriends best friend, she was the best looking girl he'd ever seen, and what made it irresistible was, she didn't even know it. _

_At that moment, in the pouring rain, both of them soaked and shivering, Nate had the strongest urge to kiss her. But before he could act on it, she pulled away from him and took off running._

_He laughed, as he followed her, "Ok fine! Ok Serena wait, I'll come with you,"_

_She turned around, her eyes lit up, "Really Natie?"_

_He nodded, "But," He stated, taking off his sweater to put around her petit shoulders, "You have to stay with me, no taking off,"_

_Serena nodded solemnly, taking his hand in hers._

_As soon as they reached the coffee shop, Serena started banging on the door._

"_They're not open Serena," Nate said, shrugging slightly._

"_No, Nate we have to get in! We have to!" She begged._

"_You're trembling; let me take you back to your place. You're going to get hypothermia," Nate insisted._

_Serena shook her head, "I have to get coffee and a bagel," she whined, sounding like a child._

_Serena walked around the shop, pressing her face against the window and cupping her hands around her face checking inside for anyone to come to her rescue… with coffee and a bagel._

_Nate sighed, following her around helplessly._

"_Natie look!"_

"_What?"_

"_That window isn't locked," she stated, on her tiptoes, pushing a window up._

_Uh oh_

"_So?"_

"_Boost me up," She said._

"_Oh no, we are not breaking in, we-…" But before he could finish, she had already climbed on to his back, and was inching up toward the window._

_He sighed, as he assisted her into getting through the window, and then pulling himself up._

_They both ended up in the kitchen, and Serena got to work right away._

_She put the coffee beans in the coffee maker and put the pot on the burner. He watched her work in amusement; she glanced at him, "Start the bagel!" She instructed._

_Nate opened the big fridge, "Hold the fridge door open, so it doesn't lock on me," he whispered._

_She looked at him, as if THAT was the dumbest thing said that night. She put her toe at the door, to keep it propped open._

_He quickly found the bagels, and got to work._

_Ten minutes later they were sitting on the kitchen floor, biting into bagels and sipping coffee._

_Nate glanced side ways at her, feeling the happiest he had in a while as they sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their own made meal._

"_Gimmie your bagel, I need it more," She ordered clumsily, attempting to snatch it._

_Nate leaned away from her, "No, it's mine."_

"_No, give it," She insisted, her words slurring into each other._

_Nate laughed, leaning back out of her reach, his back was almost touching the floor under him._

_Serena smiled mischievously, as she climbed over him and sat on his waist._

"_Serena!" Nate scolded teasingly._

_She grabbed his wrists and put them above his head, "Give it, or forever hold your peace!"_

_He laughed, "What are you going to do, put makeup on me?"_

"_Actually, I just might do that," She responded, laughing as she applied blush on him with an imaginary brush, "You're an ugly girl," she teased._

_Nate smiled, leaning up, causing her to fall back, but he quickly caught her in his arms before she could hit the ground, and then gently placed her on the ground, crushing her against the floor with his body, "What now Woodsen?"_

_Serena glared, "No fair, you can't use your fat,"_

"_It's muscle," Nate stated, grinning confidently._

"_No, it's blubber, now get off fatty," She teased, knowing he was anything but fat._

"_Oh yeah?" He challenged, "Are you sure you don't want to take that back?"_

"_No!" Serena muttered, "I will not-… aaaaah, Nate, you can't-…" But she couldn't finish as she burst out laughing. He knew her weakness, she was really ticklish._

_Serena squirmed beneath him, gasping in laughter, as he tickled her sides._

"_What now huh, am I still fat?" he asked, his face dangerously close to hers, but neither of them noticed._

"… _Ok... stop I said ok," She managed between laughter, "I was lying, you're not fat!"_

_He laughed in triumph, rolling off her._

_They both lay beside each other, smiling. Nate separated his bagel and divided it between the two of them._

"_Aw thank you Natie," she whispered, leaning over to kiss him sweetly on the cheek._

_He smiled at her, as they continued to lie there, grinning at each other, while Serena made funny faces at him, sticking her tongue out, and then pulling her cheeks apart._

_Nate laughed, it was funny that she got look so beautiful no matter how she twisted her face._

_Suddenly, Serena sat up seriously._

_Nate got up as well, "What's wrong?"_

_She looked at him dead serious, "Oh shit, I think I'm still drunk," she gasped._

_End of flashback_

Nate burst out laughing, "I seriously can't believe you made us do that,"

Serena blushed, "I thought it would work!" She defended.

Nate shook his head, chuckling as he remembered the night.

Serena laughed too, "Ok, I went over board with the alcohol, _I admit it okay_," she stated, but then playfully swatted him on the arm when he wouldn't stop smiling, "Stop thinking about it!"

Nate nodded, containing his laughter, "That was one of the best nights of my life," he stated, sincerely.

Serena smiled, "Mine too,"

Nate moved his hand so that it covered hers on the table, and looked up at Serena seriously, "I wish you hadn't left me,"

Serena gulped, and felt herself lean slightly towards him over the table. It was as if nothing else mattered, it was Serena and Nate, their place, their table, their food. Just the two of them, everything else being thrown out the window as the two leaned into each other, their lips merely inches apart.

They were so close, so close to what couldn't happen, so close to what they wanted most right now, as Serena closed her eyes, anticipating his touch.

But just as they two would've kissed, Nate's phone went off.

The two of them pulled away from each other, Serena's eyes back to the coffee in her hands, and took a large sip awkwardly.

They both looked down at the phone that was ringing.

_It was Blair._

Nate looked up at her apologetically, but Serena refused to make eye contact.

"I don't have to take it Serena,"

"Yes you do, and I have to go," She stated, pulling on her jacket while getting up.

Nate sighed, "Serena, wait,"

But she ignored him as she stormed out of the shop.

Nate looked down at the screen, and felt guilt build up inside him. _Was he really going to do that again? After everything he went through with Blair, involving Chuck and Serena, was he really going to mess their relationship up again? How could he do that Blair, especially since he knew how it felt, shamefully, Nate answered the phone._

Serena was walking so fast, she might as well have been running as she crossed the road and made her way home. She felt horrible and disgusted with herself. This was the girl she had run away from in the first place.

Serena pulled out her phone, and dialled the familiar number.

"Hello," greeted the confused sleepy voice.

"Dan?"

"Serena," He mumbled, "What time is it?" He asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Dan, I'm so sorry," Serena whispered, biting her bottom lip.

Dan still confused from being awoken, "Huh? For the fight? Oh baby, it's okay, I'm sorry too,"

"No, I just… I mean yes, just for everything,"

"Me too," he responded groggily.

"I love you Dan," she whispered, a tear escaping her eyes.

**A/n Well in this chapter we got to see a little more of S/N's past close relationship before she left. Yet they both feel guilty and still love their others? What's going to happen with these teenagers… a lot. ; )**

**R&R**


	5. Chapter 5

Dan led Serena to the booth they always occupied at the fast-food restaurant, "You know, it still surprises me that you actually like this place, I never took you for a McDonalds girl," he teased

Dan led Serena to the booth they always occupied at the fast-food restaurant, "You know, it still surprises me that you actually like this place, I never took you for a McDonalds girl," he teased.

Serena gave him a huge grin, "I'm not the typical rich kid," She stated proudly.

"To say the least, you're going out with non popular and non rich kid, don't your people burn you at stake for that or something," He joked.

Serena rolled her eyes giggling, "Sh, I've been hiding it from them. According to them, you're just one of those guys following me around, lets keep it to that," She joked in a mock serious voice.

Dan laughed, "So that's why we come to these d.lowed places then, huh?"

"You caught me," She exclaimed before giggling, the cute noise that always caused Dan's heart to melt to pudding.

He leaned across the table to wipe mayo off the side of her mouth.

She smiled, looking across at him.

_It had been a week since her meeting with Nate, Dan and her had worked things out, and everything was fine again. Well close to fine, Vanessa was still a large part of the picture, and Nate, well Nate would always be somewhere in the picture. Right now, Serena was avoiding him, and Blair seem to be avoiding her._

"So, how did Vanessa's film turn out last night?" Serena asked casually.

"I didn't watch it, I went to sleep," He retorted, biting into his burger.

Serena bit her bottom lip, "But didn't she come over to show you the video?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't really in the mood to watch it, so I just kind of went to sleep, and she hung out with Jenny and then left," He shrugged, brushing it aside.

Serena smiled, deciding to leave it at that. _Finally, finally things were working out for them. Dan seems to be detaching slightly from there over the top close relationship, and that's all she wanted. She didn't want him to cut her off –well she did, but she wouldn't make him do that, she just wanted for him to not hang out with her all the time, or her not depend of Dan for every single thing._

"So talk to Queen Blair recently," Dan asked, semi sarcastically.

"Dan," Serena scolded, "Um no, I tried calling her the other day, and she didn't pick up, left a few messages on her cell, and I don't know what's going on? Why is she mad at me, if she is mad at me," Serena said, confused.

"With that girl, you never know," Dan laughed.

Serena shook her head smiling, "I think I'll go see her later,"

Dan nodded, "That means we won't be together later?" He asked, pouting.

Serena laughed, "You promised dinner with the family," she mock pouted.

Dan clicked his tongue, "Damn, forgot, will be great; dads trying to impress us with his newest slang words, while Jenny and I sit through his food experiments."

Serena laughed at his sour face, "Sounds better then trying to hunt someone down that has been ignoring you for what feels like forever," Serena shrugged, taking a huge sip of her coke, oblivious to the guys working at the restaurants constant glances toward her.

Of course, Dan noticed, but he pretended not to. He was a guy, sure he liked it that his girlfriend was always the hottest girl in the room, but he hated that she managed to turn every head, every face he then wanted to knock out, "You win," He teased, "Now we should get out of here to prepare for our fantastic evenings," He said, rolling his eyes.

Serena looked down at her watch, "But it's not even four yet?" She asked confused.

"We're watching a movie before dinner," Dan shrugged.

Serena nodded, grabbing her purse and following him out, "Okay, then I guess I might as well go find Blair now,"

Dan nodded, leaning in to peck her lips quickly, before Serena turned to hail a taxi.

Dan watched her go, his heart sinking slowly, her blond curls bouncing as she walked past people and to her taxi, _he hated lying to her._

_Flashback_

"_Wakey wakey, sleeping dork," She screamed into his ear, as she jumped onto his back._

_Dan, who was lying on his stomach having dozed off after talking to Serena on the phone, 'oofed' in pain, as he felt himself being pushed further into his mattress._

"_Vanessa, get off!" He complained, turning to the side, causing her to roll off, "Do you Never knock?" _

_Vanessa laughed, "Do I really have to answer that. I've walked in on pretty horrific things, and even that hasn't stopped me,"_

_Dan rolled his eyes, "What do you want?"_

"_I told you already, you have to check out my video," She stated, slipping off the bed to slide the CD into the monitor of his computer._

_Dan groaned, "Let me sleep,"_

"_Never!" Vanessa declared in evil laughter, her face breaking into a smile._

"_Ok just put the movie on, and if it has anything to do with gum on the sidewalk I will shoot myself," He declared seriously. _

_Vanessa shoved him playfully, "Whatever," _

_The movie was played, and it focused on someone's bald head, and then moved to a red head, then a brunette, and then a blond._

"_Are you serious," Dan exclaimed, sitting up to turn it off when Vanessa pushed him back down._

"_It gets better, they are all going to talk about themselves, and the focus stays on the colour of their hair, you know how people are always judging people by their hair, well this gives you a closer look at that," She explained excitedly._

"_Well, I don't judge people by their hair, so I don't have to watch this," He replied, quickly moving forward to get to the computer before Vanessa lunged on him again, "Vanessa, you're going to regret this, so stop now!" He warned._

_She attempted to tickle him, but he was too quick for her, flipping them around so she was pinned under him, "Don't even try it," he laughed, watching her struggled to push him off._

_She winced in pain, and he instantly moved off her, giving her the opportunity to slip out from under him, and stick her tongue out before dashing out of the room, "You're too easy," she teased, with a mocking dance._

_Dan laughed, chasing her into the living room and grabbing her wrist to turn her around, unfortunately he didn't realize the strength he used to turn her around as she went crashing against him._

_Dan was about to apologize when he realized she was staring up at him. He also realized that their faces were merely inches apart._

_She was staring at his lips to be precise, and Dan couldn't help his eyes trail down to hers._

_They stayed like that for a moment, in the living room, in each others arms, looking at one another. _

_It felt like forever, and Dan wanted to say something but he started to feel her lean closer into him, her lips wanting to connect with his, and that's when his mind kicked into gear and he realized what was going on, and he remembered the beautiful blond._

_He leaned away from her, and held her tightly by the waist, keeping her away from him. Disappointment flashed through her eyes and then embarrassment as she blushed bright red pulling away from him._

_Dan felt speechless. He couldn't explain why he let her that close, why he brought her that close, and why it took him so long to lean away from her._

_But he knew one thing for sure, Serena could __**not**__ find out._

_End of Flashback_

Dan sighed, running a hand over his face in frustration. She was insecure as it was, if she found out about Vanessa trying to kiss him, and his hesitation to back away, it would defiantly go to hell from there.

"Blair, it's me Serena, where you been, I've been trying to reach you since forever! Call me back, actually, you know what, I know you won't so I'm coming to see you, I don't even know why you're ignoring me," Serena sighed exasperated.

_Maybe its cause her boyfriend's into you?_

"Ok, I'm coming," With that she shut her phone while passing some money to the cab driver, "Thanks,"

Serena nervously walked into Blair's house, not sure of what to expect. Blair was a lot of things, and one was fickle with her feelings, especially with their friendship. Serena wasn't sure if she would be tackled in a bear hug or thrown to a bear… _ok that was extreme; _she noted admittedly, _maybe just acid to the face._

She knocked on Blair's door softly, but when no one responded Serena decided enough was enough, and pulled the handle and threw the door open, "Ok seriously, what the hell, Blair what's..." Serena began accusingly until she spotted the two figures on the bed, "Oh,"

On the bed, Blair in just her under garments lay on top of a shirtless Nate.

"Serena," Nate whispered, sitting up on the bed, forcing Blair to get off and sit beside him. She sighed in annoyance, "Serena," She hissed.

Serena stood at the foot of the bed, not sure of how to feel. She was surprised, and wanted to throw up. Even though she had been avoiding Nate's phone calls, she still hated to see that he was with Blair.

_Of course, that's what you wanted, for him and Blair to be together._

A part of reasoned, while the other part just wanted to hurl.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare? We've seen each other in underwear and you sure as hell have seen Nate shirtless," Blair questioned, an attitude full glare painting her face.

Nate reddened slightly, his eyes filled with confusion, looking as adorable as always with his shaggy hair and beautiful blue eyes.

"I…" Serena stammered, not sure of how to continue, "I'm sorry, I'll let you too… um continue, I'll talk to you later Blair, I just, yeah alright," She finished, backing toward the door quickly.

"No Serena, don't go," Nate called, receiving a glare from the girl next to him, who wanted nothing more then the blond to disappear and continue what was interrupted, "You need to talk to Blair, so you guys talk, I'll leave," He stated, getting up to pull her shirt over his head.

Serena couldn't help but stare at his perfect body. He was built just right, the right that both her and Blair had always found irresistible in Nate, his body was to die for. He could've easily have been a model for anything.

Blair glared at Serena, as Nate picked up his bag and made for the door. As he reached Serena, his eyes made quick contact with hers, before brushing past her.

Serena looked back at the angry girl on the bed, "Um, hey Blair," She greeted lamely.

"Nice fucking timing," Blair snapped, pulling a robe over herself.

"Sorry, I just wanted to talk," Serena explained, still feeling out of it.

"Okay, talk,"

Serena frowned, "I seriously don't know what your problem is, but you've been being queen bitch to me ever since the party at your house and it's getting old," Serena said, following her out to the living room.

Blair raised an eye brow questioningly, "I'm sure you don't know why,"

"No, I actually don't,"

"What were you and Nate talking about on the balcony that night," She asked suddenly.

Serena fell for a loss of words, "Uh, I… I don't remember,"

"Oh that's funny. Because when I saw you two together, you guys had the same looks you two had before you left for boarding school. Every time I would walk into a room with you two in it, you always looked at me like that. I didn't know what it meant then, but now, now I recognize that look. It's your guilty look, and it pisses me off that you're still after _my _boyfriend, even though you have one of your own, and you almost ruined our friendship by doing that the first time," Blair accused angrily, dangerously close to Serena.

Serena was a little scared that Blair would tackle her, or slap her or something, "It's not like that, I wouldn't do that to you," Serena whispered, _didn't Blair know, Serena had sacrificed Nate for her, for their friendship. _

"Well you better not, because I won't let you take my boyfriend, nor will I let you go hide away to boarding school. I'll make you pay S," Blair stated.

Serena frowned, "Blair-…" She began, until she caught a tear trickling out of Blair's eye and down her cheek, "I'm sorry B," She whispered, bringing her arms around Blair's petit shoulder, "I'm sorry I hurt you the first time, but I won't do that to you again, I won't take your boyfriend from you. I don't want that, I really do love Dan," Serena insisted sincerely, a small smile playing at her lips at the mention of Dan, "I love that guy,"

Blair smiled slowly, "Don't know why, but whatever, to each their own, and whatever keeps you away from mine," She teased, half seriously.

Serena didn't smile, "I don't want you to not trust me, you're friendship is one of the best things I have in my life, and I never want to lose you, B," Serena pleaded.

Blair wiped another lingering tear from her eye, "I don't want to lose you either S, I'm sorry for being a bitch all the time," She muttered, holding Serena's hand.

"It's okay, it's not your fault, it's who you are," She joked.

Serena felt her phone beep in her pocket, but Blair grabbed her arm before she could get it, "Leave it, let's get something to eat,"

"I already ate,"

"Well I haven't, so let's get the cook to make me something to eat," She said, leading Serena into the kitchen as she jumped to sit on her counter, and facing the cook, "So let's see, make me something that's not too fat, yet filling, let's see, what shall you make-…"

Serena droned the rest of the conversation out as she took a seat beside Blair on the counter and pulled out her phone, flipping it open to see that she had text message.

Serena frowned, as she clicked to view it.

_I need to talk to you_

_- Nate_

Serena gulped, _she couldn't do that again, meeting Nate last time brought back too many memories, she couldn't meet him again. Especially after everything, now things were fine between her and Dan, as well as with Blair, she couldn't mess things up again._

Serena glanced at Blair beside her, who was still in conversation with the cook, her face turned away from Serena. She smiled sadly at the text message, before shaking her head slightly, _she wouldn't do this again, she promised not to hurt Blair again, _Serena felt her thumb slide over the screen and then to the button at the bottom, as she slowly clicked… delete.

**A/n Hm, interesting stuff on D, I guess he isn't too perfect anymore, but then again, he still seems to love S, but N seems to have lingering feelings for her as well, but he's still with B, who has made it clear to S to stay away from him. S claims to really love D, but she is hurt to see N with B? Her life is defiantly not perfect. R&R**


	6. Chapter 6

"Dan,"

"Dan,"

"Vanessa, I'm busy, can't really talk right now," He said boldly.

She sighed, "Why can't we get past this, I know what happened was wrong, but our relationship is above that, I didn't think a measly little situation could get between our friendship, Dan," She whispered.

Dan ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath, "Listen, I'm going to be honest with you, Serena is already insecure about our relationship, if she ever found out about that day she would freak,"

"Well… who's going to tell her?" Vanessa questioned, "No one, exactly. We can continue our friendship and Serena doesn't need to know about that day, and it wasn't really a big deal like seriously, nothing was going to happen anyways,"

"Really? It didn't seem like nothing," Dan inquired.

"Yeah well, what didn't happen isn't going to hurt anyone okay?"

"I don't know, I just don't want to hurt Serena,"

"She won't get hurt! I just want to be your friend; our friendship is one of the most important things to me,"

"You're right. I'm sorry, I guess I just kind of freaked,"

"It's okay, you're a drama queen," She teased.

"Oh _I'm _a drama queen,"

"Oh wait, you're right, no you're not,"

"Exactly,"

"That's Serena," She laughed.

"Oh shut up Vanessa, come over so I can kick your ass," He mock threatened.

Vanessa giggled, "What are you going to do? Hit me with your stuffed bear?"

"Whatever, are you sure you won't wet my bed if I do," He shot back.

Vanessa gasped, "You promised to never bring that up again!"

Dan couldn't help but laugh at their childish banter, and soon Vanessa found herself laughing too. _That's why she loved their friendship, they could be themselves completely with each other, no worry about looking stupid or foolish, and in the end they both laughed at themselves and were completely comfortable with each other._

"How does this look?"

Serena turned to see Blair emerge from the change room in a hot pink halter, twirling for her as she flipped her hair back.

Serena looked it up and down, before clicking her tongue, "Baby blue looked better on you," She commented, before turning back to slip her feet into a pair of high heels she had been looking at.

Blair rolled her eyes, going back to change out of it, "You just wanna look better," She stated.

Serena laughed, "Oh yeah, I'm just some evil blond that wants nothing more then to look better then some poor innocent brunette,"

"I'm pretty innocent,"

"Oh defiantly," Serena laughed.

"Nate!"

"Huh?"

"Hey,"

Serena found herself freeze, not wanting to turn around. His voice alone made a tingle go down her spine.

"What are you doing here?" Blair asked sweetly.

"I came to pick you up, remember that necklace you wanted to buy-…"

"Oh yeah! Oh I almost forgot that!" She squealed, causing Serena to roll her eyes inwardly.

Serena knew she couldn't just not acknowledge him, and turned in her seat to face him. Unfortunately for her, his blue eyes were already on her, and their eyes locked instantly. That was the most dangerous, looking into his eyes always made it _very_ difficult for Serena to think of anything else.

"Hey Serena," He nodded.

She gave him a fake smile with a little wave, causing his forehead to wrinkle in confusion.

She knew she was over him, because of how much she loved Dan. _But then why did she always feel a weird tug at her heart at the sight of Nate?_

Blair looked from one to the other before she stepped in and linked her arms with Nate, "Sorry to cut this date short S, but I totally forgot I had planned something with Nate," she apologized quickly, before making for the door.

Serena watched them walk away, feeling so alone for the first time since being with Dan. She felt so left out and alone from the threesome friendship they once had. Now she had Dan, and they had each other. Things changed so drastically, she never imagined being with anyone seriously, other then Nate. Growing up she had always thought in her heart, that even though all three of them were really close, her and Nate were going to be together in the end.

_They were meant to be… weren't they?_

Dan was lying on his back on the sofa, lazily flipping through channels when he heard the bell ring. Dan tilted his head to glance at the door, willing it open without having to get up.

Since his dad and Jenny had gone out, he knew he had to get up.

He let out a huge sigh of frustration, as he threw his legs off the sofa, and forced himself up, as someone knocked on the door again.

_Who would come this late? _He wondered and then it hit him, _Vanessa was here. _

"You're obsession with me has to end," He joked, throwing the door open, "Like seriously I have a-… Serena," He was surprised to see the blond instead of the brunette he had been expecting.

"I'm sorry, the obsession is too great," She stated seriously, pretending to be pulled toward him with a magnetic force, before she wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a sweet little kiss on his lips.

He smiled, his arms resting on her waist, as she pulled back to give him a huge grin, "Guess what boyfriend?"

He raised his brow, "You wanna make mad passionate love to me?" He asked hopefully.

She grinned, with a sexy pout plastered on her lips, before she shook her head in disappointment, "Actually, we have a party to be at!"

He frowned, "Huh, whose?"

"Isabelle is throwing a party tonight and just texted me,"

"Sounds fun… _or _we can have wild sex all night long?" He suggested slyly.

Serena laughed, swatting him playfully on the chest, "C'mon it's been forever since we've gone to a party, and we're not doing anything tonight, please… _pleeease?_" She pouted, batting her eyelashes childishly.

Dan groaned; _he knew he couldn't say no to that face._

And certainly enough about forty minutes later, they were in a taxi and on their way to Isabelle's party. Dan tapped lightly against the window beside him, causing Serena to turn to him.

"What's wrong?" She asked finally.

"I just… I hate going to places I wasn't invited too,"

"Dan, we're together, and it's like relationship code that the girlfriend or boyfriend is allowed to take each other to their parties." She explained seriously.

Dan smiled, "You made up the code didn't you?"

Serena giggled, placing a finger to her lips, "We're not allowed to talk about the code unless pointing out a rule,"

Dan shook his head in amusement, "Serena –even _before _the booze," He commented as if talking to a third person, causing a playful shove from Serena.

"Oh we're here!" She exclaimed grinning, taking Dan's hand and leading him to the entrance of the hall.

Dan took a deep breath, _and here goes another night of sitting at home and watching TV. _He commented to himself sarcastically.

They entered the place, which was hard to really examine with all the bodies dancing everywhere, and every so often you could spot a refreshment table. It was a dark lit room with colourful lights dancing over everyone once in a while.

Serena's body almost instantly started to move to the beat on the music, wrapping her arms around Dan's neck as she brought her body as close as possible, and as much as Dan enjoyed it, he couldn't help but wish Vanessa was there, so they could share the out-of-place feeling.

Serena could sense his hesitation, as he stood there with his hands on her waist, looking around every once in awhile. She knew he didn't feel part of the crowd when they went to her parties, but she had just wanted so badly for him to adapt to her life like she was trying to do with his, she wanted to be able to enjoy her parties with him, without him always feeling like a fish out of water.

"Let get some drinks," She yelled, to be heard over the loud music.

Dan nodded, following her to the bar, but before she could order anything, he took her hand and led her to the refreshments table instead, "Here, I'll pour you some fruit punch," He stated exaggeratedly, causing her to roll her eyes laughing.

"You're no fun," She pouted.

He grinned, grabbing them two glasses. Glancing over his shoulder another couple caught her attention. It was a pretty petit brunette and clearly by the attention he was getting from the other females, a very irresistible blue eyed guy.

She felt that familiar tug at her heart, and tried to pry her eyes away from them. They were dancing closely, him in a loose black button up shirt and dark jeans, and her with the dress she had tried on this morning.

She couldn't take it anymore; she plastered a huge fake smile on her face, and turned back to Dan.

Nate noticed her the second he had walked in. It was hard _not _to notice her. She was absolutely beautiful. Her long blond hair, with that pouty face and that incredible body, which was currently supporting a black mini dress, the top slanted upwards to the one strap, as it hugged her figure nicely. Her long legs looked ever hotter in the short dress, and what made it all the more irresistible was her oblivion to all the male attention she was getting all around.

He couldn't help but feel envious of the guy with her. He got to hold her in his arms and look at her as much as he wanted.

"Nate," Blair called, snapping a finger in front of his face to get him out of the trance, "What are you looking at?" She asked.

But before she could turn to look, Nate quickly grabbed her waist, "Let's dance," He suggested, diverting his attention back to the hot girl in front of him. He knew he loved her; Blair was his one serious relationship, the girl he could see himself marrying.

She grinned, leaning up to capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

Serena couldn't help but sneak glances at the pair as they seemed lost in each other's eyes. _Ok maybe coming to the party wasn't the best idea._

"Dan let's dance," She stated, grabbing his hand, and she found herself leading him to a clearing not too far away from _that couple._

He smiled, pulling her body closer to him, as his arms wrapped around her waist, she smiled, feeling content again. She felt so moody recently, a moment ago she was burning with something inside her, and now she was happy in Dan's arms again.

They found the beat of the music as their bodies coherently moved together, as the new song started. She leaned her head down on his shoulder, pecking his neck lightly.

_My life is brilliant._

My life is brilliant  
My love is pure.  
I saw an angel.  
Of that I'm sure.  
She smiled at me on the subway.  
She was with another man.  
But I won't lose no sleep on that,  
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.  
You're beautiful, it's true.  
I saw your face in a crowded place,  
And I don't know what to do,  
'Cause I'll never be with you.

**Serena found herself lift her head slowly from Dan's shoulder, and her eyes with a life of their own, looked past him and toward the forbidden area. She found a pair of intense blue ones.**__

Yes, she caught my eye,  
As we walked on by.  
She could see from my face that I was,  
Fucking high,  
And I don't think that I'll see her again,  
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.  
You're beautiful, it's true.  
I saw your face in a crowded place,  
And I don't know what to do,  
'Cause I'll never be with you.

La la la la la la la la la

_  
_**She didn't even realize she was looking, her eyes just seemed glued to the blue ones, many bodies away, and in the arms of her best friend. **

_  
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.  
You're beautiful, it's true.  
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,  
When she thought up that I should be with you.  
But it's time to face the truth,  
I will never be with you._

**Serena couldn't explain why, but she could feel a knot form in her throat, and knew she was on the verge of tears. She bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling.**

… _I will never be with you._

As the song faded away, she felt Dan pull away from her, and right away her attention was diverted, and the moment was lost. She brushed her eyes quickly, and plastered a smile on her face again.

Nate suddenly felt suffocated. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to escape that room, and get away from everyone surrounding him.

A new song started, but he pulled away from Blair before she could start moving to the music. She looked up at him confused, but he wasn't looking at her.

She pulled at his arm in frustration, "What the hell is wrong, ever since we've been here, you aren't even looking at me Nate," She exclaimed angrily.

"I'm sorry Blair," He mumbled, "I'll be back,"

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

"I need fresh air," He stated, before moving past dancing pairs and leaving Blair behind in the crowd of people.

_He just wanted to be alone for a bit. He needed to get out of here, away from Blair, and away from Serena. He couldn't handle it, he felt like he couldn't breath._

He tried to push past people, and got a few angry remarks thrown his way, but he didn't care at that point. He just needed out.

He saw the exit, a sigh of relief leaving his lips as he quickened his pace.

He was so close… and in a few more steps he would've reached his destination, until he felt himself crash straight into another figure, sending them tumbling, but he quickly reached out and stabled them, by pulling them toward him.

But it might have been with too much force, because he felt the body crash against his.

"I'm sorry," He said quickly, looking up, "I wasn't look-…" But he trailed off, as he found himself eye to eye with none other then Serena Van Der Woodsen…

**A/n I loved that song, and just really wanted to add it here, even if it might not exactly fit with the type of parties they throw. Lol. There seems to be a lot of mixed feelings in this story, with every couple involved. Lets see how it turns out for them. : ) Please leave a review, and let me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

The inside of her eyelids stung with tears, and Serena couldn't find a way to make it stop

The inside of her eyelids stung with tears, and Serena couldn't find a way to make it stop. They had started moving to another song, so she slowly pulled away, "I have to go to the bathroom," She said simply, excusing herself from his grip.

Serena pushed past the dancing couples to find a restroom, but the place was too dark. She didn't know which way was which. Serena sighed in frustration, wanting to wash her face, and rid any trace of heartbreak.

She pushed past some more people, but it was no use. She wasn't getting any closer to anything, just more crowded people. A little further off, she saw a door, which to her was a ray of hope, so she started to push her way toward the door.

When she was a few steps away, she realized in disappointment it was just the exit door. She sighed, and turned to look around for any other doors.

She stood there for a moment, not sure of where to go next, stuck in a big mob of crowd that all seem to be moving but her. She was about to squeeze back through some dancing pairs when she felt her whole body be knocked over by a powerful force.

She let out a little scream that failed to get over the music, and felt herself falling backwards when a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and she felt her body go crashing against a hard chest. She let out a little _oof_, as she felt her breath be sucked out of her momentarily.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't look-…"

She looked up in shock and annoyance, but whatever breath she had managed to regain left her again, when she found herself eye to eye with those intense blue eyes that had captured her moments before.

Serena blinked in surprise; she was robbed of anything to say as she found herself frozen there. Tightly in his arms, her face merely an inch from his, yet she made no move to pull away, and nor did he rush to loosen his arms around her.

A few seconds passed like that, and no one had yet spoken. She couldn't deny how good she felt being in his arms; she hadn't been this close to him for so long, her eyes trailing down to his lips slowly.

"Serena," He whispered, almost painfully.

She looked back up to his eyes, and his arms automatically loosened around her, and she was released from the grip causing her to take a few steps back.

She hated that she missed the absence of his arms around her almost right away, "It's okay, what-…"

But he wasn't listening anymore, and Serena frowned as she watched him push through people and exit the building. She watched after him, and before she could follow him she felt arms wrap around her waist. They were so different then the ones around her a moment ago, and she sighed turning to find Dan, "Couldn't find the ladies room?" He asked.

She smiled, shaking her head, "It's okay, forget it,"

As soon as he exited, the cool air attacked his face, and he took a deep breath. Bumping into Serena made it much worse. Having her in his arms and so close was unbearable, their lips were so close and he knew he could've kissed her.

But that's what he was running from. He hated how he felt. Having Blair in his arms and locking eyes with Serena. How messed up was that?

Serena was with Dan, she had no interest in leaving him, so why couldn't he stop whatever he was feeling for her. He had a great girl with him that loved him and only him, so why was he ruining his own relationship for a girl that had already rejected him.

The guilt of ruining Serena and Blair the first time had eaten at him for so long, he couldn't do that again. He had to stay away from Serena; he couldn't ruin his relationship with Blair because of unresolved feelings for her best friend.

And that's what Serena wanted; she wanted him to be with Blair, that's why she kept pushing him to her. She was clearly in love with Dan.

Nate ran his hand through his hair in frustration. _She hadn't answered his phone calls, texts, anything. He got the point, she wasn't interested. She had started to avoid him, and he had to stop making such a fool of himself._

Blair sighed in frustration, _what the hell was going on with Nate, recently he had started acting weird again. For a while there, he was back to normal, back to before Serena came back. But now, now all the avoiding, acting guilty thing was coming back. She didn't know what to think. She trusted Serena, well as much as she could, and she knew Serena did really love Dan, for reasons unknown to her, so who could it be making Nate go through his cheating symptoms again?_

She rolled her eyes in annoyance as she glared at a girl that bumped into her while dancing. She rudely pushed through everyone and found Kati, "I'm not having fun anymore, so I'm leaving," She stated, before turning on her heels.

She found Serena and Dan looking all cute cuddling together, and rolled her eyes, as she walked past them, and to the exit. _Where the hell did he go?_

She was about to hail a taxi, when she spotted him in the ally beside the building, a beer in hand. She sighed, as she went to stand in front of him, "Who is it?" She demanded.

He looked up at her confused, "Who's who?"

"Who are you cheating on me with," She accused.

"No one, I'm not cheating on you, Blair," He stated shrugging.

She let out a little sigh on relief when she didn't see any guilt in his eyes at that sentence, "Then why…" she started in frustration before letting out a deep breath, "Just _why?_"

Nate let his head lean back against the brick wall behind him, "I'm sorry. Something was just going on,"

Blair put a hand on her hip, waiting for her to expand.

He looked her in the eyes, "But it's done now, no important. I'm back; I won't be that guy I've been for the last few days,"

She nodded somewhat suspiciously, before smiling, "Good," She muttered, before leaning in to capture his lips.

"Hey, is Dan home?" Vanessa asked when Jenny groggily opened the door. While rubbing her eyes sleepily she shook her hand.

"He's gone out with Serena to some party," She mumbled, stifling a yawn.

Vanessa frowned, _of course._

_She IS his girlfriend, _another part of her reasoned.

_Yeah, but she was also getting in between their friendship. She had been so close to Dan, they had grown up together. Gone through all their highs and lows together, now some rich stuck up –ok well not that stuck up, but she can't just come and expect Dan all to herself._

Vanessa shook her head, wanting to rid of these conflicted thoughts. She hated being jealous, and she was more then she could explain. She hated every second Serena spent with Dan, because it was one less second Vanessa got to spend with him.

She knew she had always kind of crushed on Dan, but had never acted on it because she had never felt that them being together could've ever been endangered. It was a relationship she had taken from granted, expecting Dan to always be there.

He had snuck into her room the day her parents had left to go traveling, leaving her with her sister, he had been her shoulder to cry on. When she fell off her bike in the second grade and had bruised her knee, he had piggybacked her all the way home. And when his mom left them, he had called Vanessa and they had spent the whole night talking about Dan's feelings, and letting him shed a few tears that he had hid from his dad and sister. She had been the only one he had ever let all the way in.

The day she found out she had to leave Brooklyn, he told her he loved her…

"_You don't have to go," Dan insisted, holding Vanessa's shoulders._

_She shook her head, "You think I want to? Dan, they're making me, they want me to school there, and I have to go," She explained._

"_I don't care what you parents want, they left you! They left you here and now they can't just call you there whenever it suits them. It's not fair to you," He declared, "…and it's not fair to me,"_

"_I don't have a choice Dan, I really don't," She muttered, a tear running down her cheek treacherously._

"_Stop it," He demanded, wiping the tear away, "You're not leaving, so you don't have to cry," _

_A taxi pulled up at the curb in front of her apartment, she sighed sadly, "I'm leaving," _

_He shook his head in disbelief, "But Vanessa, how can you just leave? You're my best friend, you're the one person that knows everything about me, you're the only one I trust, you can't leave," He stated stubbornly, his eyes glazing over as well._

_Vanessa felt a sob escape her lips as she pushed him playfully, "It's time for you to make other friends, I'm sick of listening to your bullshit," She teased._

_He shook his head, "I can't let you go," He stated. He felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks. She was the one person that understood him, the one person he could ever go to. _

_She brushed a few tears off her face before wrapping her arms around his neck, "I'm gonna think of you everyday Humphery,"_

_She was about to pull away when his hands tightened around her waist keeping her there, shutting his eyes tight as a tear escaped his eyes, "Vanessa?"_

"_Yeah," She whispered, her eyes closed as well, wanting to stitch this moment and feeling in her mind forever, not wanting to let go. She wanted to stay in his arms forever, and not have to leave, to leave the one person she loved with all of her heart._

"_I love you," he whispered._

_She pulled away shocked, her eyes wide open and her mouth slightly ajar. Before she could say anything, the taxi honked behind her._

_She turned around to face the glaring driver, "I don't have all day, you're parents said you'd be waiting outside and ready the moment I got here. I have other customers to get to," _

_She nodded slowly, letting him carry her suitcases into the car, and he led her to the backseats._

_Before she got in, she looked back up at Dan, who stood there, watching her go, with that one tear lingering at his jaw line now, his cheek stained in a line with the tears trail._

_She wanted to say something, anything, but for some reason she found herself speechless. She blew him a kiss, before folding into her seat. _

_The car started, and they slowly drove past Dan. Vanessa sat there, breathless. '__**I love you,**__' Vanessa gasped. She turned in her seat as he got further and further, she opened her window and stuck her head out._

"_I love you too Dan!" She yelled with tear filled eyes._

_But he hadn't heard her… _

**A/n A little more into the history behind D/V. **


	8. Chapter 8

"Blair,"

"Stay away from me Chuck," Blair sniped, turning on her heels and heading the opposite direction. Chuck groaned as he got out of his limo to quickly block her way.

"Talk to me,"

"Leave.Me.Alone," Blair muttered through gritted teeth, before smiling politely at a passing person. Chuck rolled his eyes.

"Stop acting like you're perfect,"

"Stop acting like a no life stalker,"

"Stop-… you know what, I'm more mature then that, unlike you, who still needs to grow up. Don't pretend to be some prim and proper girl that is just so perfect, when you and I both know what you're doing to Serena,"

Blair, who had all this time been trying to walk away from him, stopped dead in her tracks. For a fleeting second, Chuck thought something had happened to her, until she briskly turned to him. Her eyes filled with rage, and her teeth gritted, "Shut the hell up Chuck, I'm not doing anything to her."

"You and I were both there that day," He said smugly.

Blair raised her brow in defiance.

"_Seriously, did you see what Bella wore to the party? Can you say, trash?" Blair sneered._

_Chuck raised a brow in amusement, "Aren't we a little hater today,"_

_Blair rolled her eyes, oh look there's that Vanessa girl, what the hell is she doing at such an expensive place," Blair scoffed._

_Chuck turned to look in his seat, and smirked when he saw her pull on the uniform vest, "Makes sense now,"_

_Blair smirked, before turning back to Chuck, "I've got to get going, meeting with Nate in half an hour,"_

_Chuck nodded, "Alright, I'll drop you home, the limo's outside,"  
_

_Chuck followed, as Blair led them toward the door, but a girl at the far corner table caught his eye, and he turned to wink at her but crashed into Blair instead, who had abruptly frozen in front of him._

"_What the hell Blair-…" He began before she turned and put a finger to her lips._

_Chuck glared at her, but stopped complaining, and he heard the cause of Blair's interest._

"_Are you serious?" A young looking waitress squealed._

"_Yes! Dan was this close to kissing me today. We were in his apartment, and somehow, I ended up in his arms, and his face was barely an inch from me," Vanessa insisted._

"_But isn't he with that blond girl, Serena?"_

"_Yeah, he is. But, I could tell, he wanted to kiss me, just as bad as I wanted to kiss him. But then he pulled away in guilt." She gossiped, before sighing, "I swear Sarah; I wanted to kiss him so badly,"_

_Blair opened her mouth in shock._

Blair looked away from Chuck, "So? I didn't do anything to Serena," She snapped, defensively.

"You didn't do anything, exactly. The old Blair would've bitch slapped Vanessa, and then would've been outside of Serena's place within seconds,"

Blair tried to push past him, "So what is this?" Chuck asked, "Let Dan and Vanessa hurt Serena… for revenge?" He asked harshly.

Blair pushed him away from her, "Shut up! Leave me alone,"

He smirked at her, "You know I won't say anything, because I thrive on drama, but _you _are suppose to be the best friend,"

Blair ignored him, as she walked faster. As soon as she got home, she headed to her room and sat at the edge of her bed. Her mind racing, _why hadn't she told Serena yet? Why didn't she want Serena to know that her boyfriend had almost kissed his best friend – the girl that Serena was already insecure about. Why?_

And no, Chuck was wrong; it had nothing to do with revenge, well not a big part. A part of her would always resent Serena for her betrayal, but this wasn't about that. All this was attached to one thing, one name… _Nate._

A part of Blair was scared. She was so scared. She loved Nate, but a part of her knew he didn't love her the same way she loved him. A part of her knew that Serena would always be between them.

The only thing that made her sleep easy at night was, knowing that Serena already had a boyfriend that she loved_. If Serena and Dan ever broke up? … No that was not an option._

Serena and Dan could _not _break up. It was not possible. Especially after those looks she's been noticing between Serena and Nate, and those guilt filled eyes, she could never forget those eyes. The night she had walked in on the balcony, they both had guilt written all over them. If Serena got hurt by Dan, she would be left vulnerable for Nate to comfort, and that couldn't happen.

She felt guilty every time she was around Serena, but not enough to tell her anything. Not enough to risk her relationship with the guy she loved.

_Plus, they didn't kiss. So it wasn't like he cheated on her or anything. _Blair thought defensively, _she wasn't really hiding anything. This would only make Serena more insecure, and her relationship's fine. Why cause problems in a perfectly good relationship… right._

Serena smiled as she cuddled up to Dan, rewinding the emotional love speech by the main character to the girl. Dan sighed, "We've watched this part a billion times already, Serena," He complained.

Serena clicked her tongue, "I _love _this part," She whispered, looking up at him happily. He smiled, gently stroking her cheek.

"I know babe, but this is some next old black and white movie we found in my mom's old collection, why did we watch this again?" He asked, mentally kicking himself for agreeing to it.

"Because… the guy was hot," Serena stated innocently, a smile tugging at her lips.

"You find a guy that's been dead and buried for a good fifty years… _hot?_" He teased, "Wow, I'm dating a freak,"

She nudged him playfully, "Whatever, he's hotter then _you,_"

A smirk spread across Dan's lips as he rolled on top of her, pining her on the bed, "Oh yeah? He's hotter then me eh," He challenged, his fingers inching toward her sides, finding her ticklish spot, before attacking.

Serena broke out into laughter, squirming under him, "S-Stop," She gasped, "D-Dan!" She laughed.

"Who's hotter?" He questioned, pausing for a second.

"The truth remains the same," She insisted, with a wink.

"Not so easily convinced eh?" He questioned, before continuing his attack.

"Ok-okay," She gasped in laughter, "YOU! It's you," She caved, tears of laughter springing to her eyes.

"Tamed, just the way I like you," He teased, before pecking her lips and rolling off.

Serena grinned, climbing on top of him, "I love you Dan Humphrey," she whispered before leaning down to capture his lips.

Dan wrapped his arms around her, but he couldn't help but remember his almost deceit with a brunette, guiltily pulling away.

"What's wrong?" Serena asked with a slight frown on her flawless face.

Dan shook his head, before flipping them so he was on top of her, "I like to be on top," He whispered slyly.

Nate walked in, and made straight for the bar. He sat on the stool, "One-… Vanessa?" He said surprised, recognizing the girl as Dan's best friend.

She looked up, "Um hi." She greeted, slightly surprised he knew who she was, "Nate, right?" Of course she knew who he was; this is the guy Serena had slept with while he was going with her best friend, Blair. This was the guy that Dan didn't like too much.

"Yeah," He nodded, "One shot of vodka," He ordered, running a hand through his shaggy hair.

"Aren't you under age?" She asked amused, while working on his drink.

Nate frowned, "If I was under age, they wouldn't have let me in here," He pointed out evenly.

"Fair enough," Vanessa shrugged, as she put the shot in front of him.

Nate picked it up right away, and with one throw back of the head, he had gulped it down, before putting it down, "Another one," He ordered.

She raised her brow in amusement, "And what misery are you trying to drown with vodka?" She asked, as she poured him another shot.

Just like before, he had downed the shot within seconds and he glared at her, "None of your business," he snapped, causing her to back away as if bitten.

"Whoa, down boy,"

He sighed, "Look I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about it," He said shrugging_. For the last month, he had been the perfect boyfriend to Blair. He didn't get moody around her, he stopped being distant or uninterested, and had even stopped thinking about Serena, for the most part. He acted like she hadn't come back, and everything was the way it was with Blair before his thing with Serena. He hadn't talked to Serena, or even seen her apart from the rare glimpse on the streets. He made sure to never have his time with Blair coincide with Serena's time with Blair._

And without even noticing it, it was wearing him out. Without even feeling her absence, it was eating at him inside. His heart ached to see her, but even a glimpse of her caused something inside him to burn.

And he knew he resented her for being with someone else.

Vanessa, who had turned to pour someone else a drink, glanced back at the miserable Nate, "You and I have much in common," She whispered.

He looked up to meet her eyes, and he recognized something in her eyes that reflected his own. He could relate with an emotionless dulled look in her eyes, which he knew was a cause of her own doing. Like him, she was also fighting with a part of herself.

As much as he wanted to tell her she was wrong, he accepted defeat, "You're right,"

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Still in love with Dan eh?"

"Still in love with Serena?" She challenged.

Nate let out a bitter chuckle, "Doesn't matter, those two are together, and they're in love,"

She shrugged, "Maybe,"

"What do you mean?" He asked, with a hint of hope.

She shook her head, "I don't know, I just, I guess I just don't want to accept they're in love, but it's okay, I'll learn to deal with it,"

He looked down dejectedly, "Yeah, it gets easier after a while,"

"Does it?" She asked, as she watched him down another shot.

He looked up at her again, unable to hide the pain in his eyes, "It gets easier to pretend,"

**A/n Sorry for the long delay, I had exams so I was really busy. Now that they're over,… ;) Read and Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

As Serena walked into the store, she spotted them right away. _They _were in the corner; he was sitting outside the change room in boredom as she took a bunch of outfits into the room.

_Turn around and leave.!_

But of course, she ignored herself and stepped closer. He looked so perfect; like a male model. His oddly perfect face sculptured with his perfect eyes, his perfect nose and his oh so perfect lips. He was just perfect. His deep husky voice that never failed to run a shiver through her spine, the way his eyes would look at her… like he could see inside her.

_Stop thinking about him, you have done __**so **__good this past month. _Serena had managed to avoid most thoughts of Nate and ignore any lingering feelings and focus completely on being happy with Dan. Of course she couldn't help the pain in her heart every time she caught a glimpse of him, but the only way to make it better was to pretend she hadn't, and not acknowledge him at all. _She couldn't bear to see hurt in his eyes, or love for her… and worse yet; it would kill her to see nothing, to not see love for her._

He hadn't noticed her, he was mumbling something to Blair through the door; running his hand through his shaggy hair –making her own hand itch to be that hand, to be able to run her hand through his wavy hair.

Serena stood frozen in place as people walked around her in annoyance, standing a few feet away from him, mere cloth racks in between them. Seconds past and she felt dumbfounded, _she hadn't realized just __**how **__much she had missed his face… him. _Her heart was doing flip flops that she couldn't control and tears sprang to her eyes.

_Nate._

And suddenly the door opened and Blair waltzed out, looking gorgeous in a figure-hugging strapless black mini-dress. It was clear Nate thought so too, as his eyes lit up and he stood up when Blair did a little twirl for him to admire, before he wrapped his arms around her waist in appreciation. It was too much; the way they looked so good together, his arms wrapped securely around her, his eyes approvingly on her…

Serena felt something build up in her throat and was shocked when she felt a sob build to her lips.

Nate leaned down, his lips meeting hers half way in a gentle kiss.

Serena's eyelids shut closed as a tear escaped them. Her fingers clenched into a fist as she took a deep breath. _This hurt more then it should. This hurt way too much. _

Her left foot moved back, and soon she found herself turn and break into a run. _She had to get out of there, and away from __**them.**_ She ignored the looks thrown her way as she hid in the side alley. She was breathing hard as she wrapped her arms around herself. _What the hell why does that affect me so much? _

It was like her insides were going to fall apart if she didn't wrap her arms around her waist, all her insides were burning as Serena tried her best to keep herself together. _It's just them, they're meant to be together… they've always been together. It's Nate and Blair…_

But it caused her to moan in pain just thinking of them together; just thinking about their names alone caused her to wince. _It wasn't right. It wasn't right for her to feel this way. It was unfair to Nate; to push him away yet hurt at the sight of him with his girlfriend, it was unfair to Blair; to not want to see her and her boyfriend happy together, and most of all, it was unfair to Dan. To be with him, while hurt over someone else; to be with him, and want to also be with someone else; to be with him; and not love __**just **__him._

Serena felt a sob escape her lips and she wrapped her palm around her mouth to muffle it. _She shouldn't be crying. She shouldn't feel this way. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she go back to how things use to be, back to when Nate was just a tiny crush and her best friend __**and**__ her best friend's boyfriend. Life was so much simpler then, when everything was how it should be. Her Nate and Blair, best friends, Nate and Blair together, and she happy for them._

Serena shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to slow her racing her heart…

Nate smiled back at Blair as she went on about the upcoming ball, his grin perfectly in place as they stopped in front of her place. He followed her out of the car.

"Are you going to come over later on tonight?" She asked suggestively, playing with his collar as she tiptoed to get closer to him.

Nate gave her a small peck, "Sorry babe, not tonight," He said, "I have a late essay to finish,"

Blair pouted, "Aw Nate… I'll help?" She finished hopefully.

Nate shook her head again, grinning at her cute pout, "I never get work done at your place, _that's _why it's late," He pointed out, causing Blair to hide a grin, "Exactly," Nate ended, with a quick kiss to her lips before turning back into the cab.

She blew him another kiss as it drove off. Nate sat back in his seat with a sigh. _It wasn't like he was pretending to be happy with Blair, because he was happy with her but it still didn't erase the constant ache in his heart that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop feeling. It was there, in the background making sure he was never completely happy. Even when he smiled, he'd feel a weird pang and all of a sudden he couldn't smile anymore. He wasn't even thinking of her for so long now, but his heart still felt the pain for her. _

Nate leaned his head against the window, his eyes staring out miserably. He saw two girls walk out of a store –blonds, and without even thinking Nate had to close his eyes and take a deep breath in.

_Stop doing this to yourself. _

But it was no use, Nate knew it would be near impossible not to give in, and think about her today. He had to go through his phone pictures back to when everything was good between them. He had to think back to his times with that certain blond. He had to see that smile again, even if it killed him… He had to.

Serena found herself locking herself into her room and dropping beside the window. She was sitting against the wall beside the window, her knees pulled up to her chest, all the while tears rolling off her cheeks. _Stop crying, what are you doing?_

But as much as she scolded herself, it was no use; there was no way to stop. She kept seeing Nate's face, his eyes, his words, and they were all teasing her, causing her to react. She could remember _every _single sentence he had ever said to her. She could remember the feeling of his hands all over her, and Serena had to wrap her arms around herself not to shiver.

And his arms around Blair.

_Why did it hurt to see that? Why had she not been able to stop crying since? _

Serena could feel her phone vibrate against her thigh and at first she ignored it, her cheek against her knee as she let her tears spill, but finally when it wouldn't stop, she pulled it out of her jeans and looked at the screen.

_Dan3_

_She couldn't talk to him now. He would know, he would hear it in her voice. _Serena couldn't bear to look any longer, and she threw the phone away from her in tears. _It wasn't right. It wasn't right to feel this way. It wasn't right to __**love **__two people. _

Serena heard thunder roar outside her window and she looked up startled. There was rain hitting her window violently and the sky had turned a dark grey, as the thunder grumbled slightly. And for some reason, that caused another sob to escape her lips and let her face fall in her arms shaking slightly in tears.

It was as if the weather had changed to meet her mood and it made her feel worse. Every time the sky would roar angrily, she would tighten her arms around herself.

_Nate belonged to Blair. Blair; her best friend, her sister. Nate; the love of Blair's life. Serena; __**with Dan. **__Not with Nate, best friends with Blair –__**that was the way it was meant… suppose to be.**_

_Then why didn't it feel right? Then why did she long for Nate?_

_All her life she had never had to think about it… to doubt it, she always knew that it would be her and Nate in the end. Even when Blair started to go out with him, Serena hadn't really thought too much on it, knowing that she herself was too immature for a commitment, so until she was ready her and Nate were doing their own thing. But in the end they would be together. _

_But now? Now that Blair really loved Nate and Dan really loved her? Now that Nate also loved Blair and she herself loved Dan. It meant there would be no together ending for the two of them._

_Why did that hurt her? Why couldn't she look at Nate without feel pain?_

And suddenly it was like she couldn't breath, her heart was clenching as if someone was holding it in a fist and everything seemed to hurt. _She needed to hear his voice. She needed to hear him say her name._

It wasn't normal, she was _craving _it, and she was almost sure that she wouldn't last through the night without hearing him. It was like a drug she _had _to have or she would go insane. And before she knew it, she had thrown herself forward so that now she was on her knees to grab her cell, which had slid slightly under her bed from when she had thrown it there earlier. She quickly grabbed the phone and guiltily scrambled back to her spot against the wall, with her knees against her chest and her phone cradling in between her knees.

With teary eyes and trembling hands she dialled the number that she had memorized by heart.

_Natie : )_

Serena stared at the screen, as she put the phone on speaker. This decision hadn't quite reached her brain yet, and she was holding her breath as she waited to hear his voice. And she knew then, she would continue holding her breath until she heard him… it was like an obsession.

She almost thought he wasn't going to answer and her lower lip trembled at the thought, a sob slowly built its way up her throat, until…

"Hello?" He answered groggily.

And it was suddenly heaven as relief shot through her. His husky masculine voice was enough to make her breath slowly. Now that she got a taste of it, she wanted more. She wanted to hear him more. She even wanted to burst into his house and hold his perfect face as he whispers her name. She wanted her lips to touch his and for his arms to wrap around her waist like they had Blair's.

"Hello?" He murmured annoyed, clearly having been disturbed from sleep.

Serena opened her mouth to reply, but suddenly she froze. This brought Serena back and her eyes widened. _What the hell was she doing? _At least she had the sense to call him private so her name or number didn't show up for him.

_This was so stupid, __**she **__was so stupid. She had done so well the last month, and now by showing this weakness, it was going to be harder. This was only going to complicate things, only make them worse. _

Serena sighed deeply, as her thumb slowly trailed to the _off _button.

"Serena," He whispered, almost strained.

Serena's breath got stuck in her throat and she stared at the phone in horror, all the while the sob that had been just inches from her mouth finally left her lips and she quickly muffled it with her sleeve, her eyes closing as tears left them again.

Nate had been awoken by his phone ringing. He had forced himself asleep when his hands had ached to go through pictures of Serena. He had forced himself asleep before he could get in too deep and the pain in his chest would be too much for him.

So when the phone had started ringing, he had tried hard to ignore it. He didn't want to wake up and face grief again, the pain that was slowly overflowing in him and he knew would come out soon. He had to keep it buried, and the only way he knew how was to not think at all.

But the ringing didn't stop, and he groaned as he reached his arm out to feel the side table for his cell, before putting it against his ear, his eyes closed the whole time.

Infuriatingly enough, no one spoke. It was a blocked number, so he didn't even know who it was, which pissed him off even more. He was about to snooze off again, with the phone against his hear when he heard a muffled faint sniff, Nate sat up quickly, "Serena,"

_And the ache in his heart was back._

No one responded once again, but Nate held his breath, waiting.

"Serena," He whispered again, he was so _sure _it was her that it shocked him, and it hurt when she didn't respond back, "Please," he managed through the pain, the pain of someone pouring boiling water on his heart.

_Please what? Please talk to me? Please let me see you again? Please leave Dan? Please let __**me **__be with you?_

Once again, he heard the slightest sound, the sound of a distant sob and something squeezed at his heart, "Don't cry," He pleaded softly.

He looked around his room quickly; he had to get to her somehow. It had been way too long since their last communication, and it frustrated him that after so long, the stupid phone had been their first communication, the stupid phone separated them. That's when he heard it; it was so low and faint that he hadn't even realized it was on. In the living room outside his mom was listening to the radio, and he heard the song being introduced. He quickly rolled off the bed and turned on the radio on the other side table, quickly shifting to their station. The station that he Blair and Serena use to put on after school, and the girls would dance to the songs as he would sit on the counter and laugh. His trembling fingers quickly turned it on, and the line had gotten so quiet he was scared she had disconnected.

He paused for a second, and realized in relief that she was still there. It hadn't been disconnected.

"Serena, it's your favourite song, the one you were obsessed with in grade eight… the one you always said made you think of me," He whispered in the phone, "I never told you this, but back in middle school, when you use to make me listen to it with you every time it came on, it use to make me think of you too," He admitted, shyly.

Serena waited for him to go on, her heart breaking with every word.

"It's on _our station. _You remember back in the day, before we got ipods and computers."

She knew what he was talking about as soon as he had mentioned that it made her think of him. It was so weird; she had totally forgotten about that song, she hadn't listened to it probably since middle school. She felt a weird clench at her heart, as she scanned her room quickly and her eyes landed on her clock, which was part of a cd player and could turn to a radio.

"Bye Serena," He whispered as Serena quickly got up and sat on her bed, fiddling with the clock to get it to switch into the radio. She looked back at her abandoned phone on the ground and her heart ached to speak, to say it back, to say so many other things. But she knew she couldn't, he already knew it was her, she couldn't confirm it, because then it would make this real. She didn't want him to know it was her for sure, this way she could continue her façade.

A few seconds later, she heard the phone disconnect and she turned her attention back to the clock, and finally got the stick on the right station, before sitting back slowly. Serena sank to the ground in front of it as the song played, a single tear sliding down her cheek in agony as she listened.

**Another night goes by without sleeping  
Cause I know I won't wake up next to you  
Another life goes by without dreaming  
And I can't help but think that mine will too**

Serena kneeled back into her heels and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. It wasn't working, this wasn't right.

"_**No, not again," Nate groaned as Serena dragged him into his house.**_

"_**It's suppose to come on at four today, I checked it up, you have to listen to it with me Nate," Serena pleaded, giving him her puppy eye look that he could never say no to. **_

_**Nate glared at her, before letting her drag him along grudgingly. He knew there was no way out now, the puppy eyes had been down, and he was trapped**__._

Nate sat back on the bed, his back against the backboard as he took a deep breath in.

**I'm standing before you  
With this label on my head  
I'm pleading before you  
For you to understand**

Serena looked at herself in the mirror across her and sighed. _Please Nate, please understand that what I did, what I have done is for the best. Blair loves you a lot, and Dan loves me. And you and I love them; just to see if there's something between us, we couldn't hurt them… it would hurt too much. Please understand._

Nate ran his hand through his hair in frustration, _Serena; I wish you could have understood. I wish you had understood how I felt about you. I wish you could've understood my love for you._

"_**What do you like about this song?" Nate asked frustrated as he sat across her on the couch.**_

"_**It's about love," Serena whispered.**_

_**Nate was surprised, this was Serena, and Serena wasn't much of a love person. She didn't believe in stuff like that, "They never mention love in it," He stated.**_

"_**It's about wanting to be with someone so bad, but not being able to." She explained, rolling her eyes, "That's why I like it so much, it's so sad. Two people that love each other not together and not being able to get this person out of your mind, isn't that sad?" She whispered, pulling her knees against her chest and resting her cheek against one knee sadly.**_

_**Nate laughed, "I didn't know you liked sad songs,"**_

"_**It's not that I like it really, it's just that this song has so much meaning and its kind of heart breaking. It's sad to listen to, and I like that,"**_

"_**Ok emo-girl, you're a loser," He teased.**_

**Baby it's you  
When I look up in the sky I see you  
Then I turn and close my eyes and it's you  
When I'm sitting all alone in my room  
Everything reminds me of you**

_**Serena looked up at Nate, "That's my favourite part, and this is why I love hearing it with you," She teased, but underneath it, she had really meant it. Everything about that verse was for Nate, was how she felt about Nate.**_

_**Nate had rolled his eyes, "Okay," And even though he pretended to brush it off, he hid a smile.**_

Nate closed his eyes; he couldn't bear to look around his room. Every single item held something about Serena; some memory; some opinion.

**The time is slow and I am sinking  
Into a hole blackened with lies  
And though I made it myself  
You stand watching as my life passes me by  
**

Serena let her arms fold on the bed as she hid her face in them. _She had made everything so complicated, everything was so messed up. _ Serena couldn't help it, and soon found herself sobbing lightly into her arms.

**I'm standing before you  
With this label on my head  
I'm pleading before you  
For you to understand  
How much I adore you  
I'll be there til the end  
When everything falls down  
Will you hold my hand?**

"_**I'll hold your hand," Serena whispered slyly with a wink, causing Nate to laugh.**_

"_**I don't see anything falling down?" He stated.**_

"_**If it ever does," Serena insisted, "You know we'll be together in the end right, do you want to be with me in the end?" She teased, unknown to Nate that she had really just confessed what she felt in her heart.**_

_**Nate smiled at her, "Depends on the choices," He teased.**_

_**Serena swatted him playfully before lunging forward to playfully tackle him to the ground, "You wanna change your mind?"**_

_**Nate laughed, but when Serena pouted that cute pout, Nate melted, "Of course I want to be with you in the end," He whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from her eyes.**_**  
**  
**Baby it's you  
When I look up in the sky I see you  
Then I turn and close my eyes and it's you  
When I'm sitting all alone in my room  
Everything reminds me of you**

Serena couldn't get Nate out of her mind. He was everywhere. All she could think of was him. It was crazy, and it wasn't right. She wanted to scream in frustration, but the thought of not seeing him made her lower lip tremble.

**Baby it's you  
When I look up in the sky I see you  
Then I turn and close my eyes and it's you  
When I'm sitting all alone in my room  
Everything reminds me of... you**

Nate groaned, letting the back of his head hit the wall behind him in frustration. _A month had passed; he had rid his mind of all thoughts related to Serena. And now this? This set him back in his progress greatly. Would he ever be able to get her out of his mind, or better question… his heart?_

**A/n Serenate Aghast. Lemme know what you think? : ) Read and Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

"Serena hurry up," Dan called out, stuffing his hands deep in his jacket pocket on the chilly day.

"I'm coming," Serena promised, hoping one foot trying to get the other heel on, "How late are we?" She asked, as she quickly pulled on her jacket.

"Well, we had made reservations for dinner at 7, and now its 7:45, so we're pretty darn late!" Dan said, checking her phone, "Oh Serena, you have a text from Blair,"

Serena finally came out and grabbed her phone, before ignoring the text, "It's okay I'll check it later, let's go,"

"Serena, you've been ignoring her for the last two weeks, what's going on?" Dan asked as they began to walk the block to the restaurant, _Serena had been tied to his hip for the last two weeks, and even though Dan didn't mind all the attention, he knew something was up because Serena would never avoid Blair this long, they can barely go a day without filling each other in on their crap, or even always going to the same parties. But Serena had been avoiding the social scene too, the last party she went to was the night she dragged him along, she's been hiding out in his loft for the last two weeks…but hiding from what? _

Serena sighed, "I'm not avoiding her," She lied. _It was true she had been avoiding Blair like the plague, but Blair led to a connection with Nate, whether it be awkward run ins, or having to hear about their plans or intimate moments, and that was more than enough for Serena to hurl. So Serena had decided that to cut Nate completely out of her mind and life, she had to avoid Blair… for the time being. And when it got easier to deal with Nate, she would be fine. She had just been spending too much time with Nate reminiscing and they were both starting to confuse their friendship for something more. It must have to do with that feeling of being forbidden that was causing them all this confused desire from their past… it must be. Because if it were anything else, it would mean they didn't love Blair and Dan, and that couldn't be true. So the only solution to the problem was to take time completely away from Nate so they both can clear the confusion and refocus on their relationships, which are the most important thing here. _

Dan raised an amused eyebrow as they stepped into the restaurant, "Well if you're not avoiding her, then there shouldn't a problem to go say hi, since she's sitting right there,"

Serena felt panic squeeze her chest as she looked up quickly, sure enough there sat Blair, and across her, who had his back towards them, was undoubtedly Nate. _This was her worst nightmare._

Serena thought about turning back, but it was too late, Blair had spotted them and a smile lit her face as she waved them over. Serena gulped, when to her horror, Nate turned in his seat to see who Blair was waving at, and she could feel his icy blue eyes on her. Serena avoided making eye contact and quickly plastered a fake smile on her face and walked over with Dan.

"Hey guys!" She exclaimed in forced enthusiasm. She could feel Nate's eyes on her, but she refused to acknowledge it, and kept focused on Blair, "We didn't know you guys were coming here as well,"

"Maybe you would've known if you hadn't been avoiding me," Blair answered questioningly.

Serena winced, unsure of how to respond but Dan, sensing the awkwardness, deciding to bud in instead, "What's up guys," he greeted, taking the attention on him to relieve the distressed Serena.

"Hello uh… Stan?" Blair greeted with an amused grin, causing a stifled laugh from Nate.

Serena frowned, turning towards Nate for the first time to throw him a glare; _she expected something like this from Blair, but not from Nate, _"It's Dan," Serena interrupted coldly, "And excuse us while we head to our table. You two enjoy your dinner,"

She saw Nate's forehead wrinkle in confusion, and Blair laughed, "C'mon S, don't take it so offensively, you can't expect me to know the names of people who aren't in our social sphere."

"Well B, he's my _boyfriend_, so I do kind of expect you to know his name by now, but it's cool, have fun!" Serena smiled mockingly, before taking Dan's hand as he led her towards their table.

Nate watched the joined hands with a frown, before turning to Blair, "I don't know what she sees in the guy," Nate muttered, almost bitterly.

Blair shrugged, "Well whatever, I guess if she's happy it doesn't matter, anyways back to what we were talking about. So apparently, my dad is now traveling to-…"

Nate tuned the rest of her sentence out; _it was honestly starting to piss him off how Serena is so immature that instead of dealing with their issue, she would just completely ignore him. Like he knows now that he belongs with Blair and she with Dan, but be an adult and just talk it out so they could atleast continue as friends. But no, instead it just makes more sense to her to just ignore his calls, texts, and avoid him in general. She wouldn't even make eye contact with him… that's pathetic! How was it fair to him that she chose when she wanted to call him, even though she didn't really talk one of the times and the other time she hung up on the first ring, but she got to play those games with him. Enough was enough!_

She was sitting in the far corner of the room, and Nate saw her get up to walk towards the restrooms.

"Nate, are you listening?" Blair demanded.

"Yeah babe, I'm sorry, I'll be right back I just need to go the restroom," He said quickly, getting up before she could reply, he gave her a quick peck on the forehead, silencing her.

Serena looked at herself in the mirror, quickly tucking in a flyaway hair before taking a deep breath, _it was uncomfortable having Blair and Nate at the same place, but that's not a big deal, just got to keep cool and then her and Dan can leave and head back to the loft or something._

She nodded at herself reassuring in the mirror before leaving the bathroom, but as soon as she stepped out, her eyes widened as she saw Nate walk into the hallway. _Fuck._

She did a polite smile and began to walk past him.

"Funny how you can barely look me in the eyes nowadays," He said mockingly.

Serena didn't turn back towards him, "I don't know what you're talking about Nate,"

"Okay, they why don't you turn around and look me in the eyes when you talk." He challenged.

Serena closed her eyes, willing herself to be more in control of the situation, before turning around confidently and looking him square in the eyes, "What the problem?" She asked, but her voice came out not as confident as she would've liked, and when he didn't reply right away, it was hard for her to look into the icy eyes, and her eyes faltered.

He smirked, "Nice try. But why don't you tell me what the problem is? Why are you ignoring my calls, why can't you even talk to me anymore? And who the fuck is this new fake Serena? Do you really have to avoid me and Blair to pretend to be happy with your boyfriend?" He questioned callously.

Serena frowned, "You know what, you can think what you like, but I don't need to stand here and listen to this crap." She announced, before turning to leave, but he was too quick and had moved to block her way, "Nate what the hell?" She demanded trying to shove him out of her way but he didn't budge, "This is just sad."

"You know what's sad, that _this_ is the only way I can get you to talk to me, _that's _fucking sad!" He spat out, "Why the hell are you avoiding me?"

Serena's eyes widened, _she couldn't stand to be this close to Nate, and it was really messing with her head again. _"Okay, I need to get out of here," She muttered, as she made to get past him but he grabbed her arm impatiently.

"_Serena._"

There was something about his voice that was stern yet gentle, and Serena had the stronger urge to just kiss him. _She had to get away from him as soon as she could, but it wasn't just his strong hold that kept her in place, it was his paralyzing eyes as well. _

"It shouldn't be this hard to be alone with me," He whispered in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. He was so close to her that she could almost feel his heart thumping through his chest. Her hand slowly rose to rest against his chest, and she finally looked up into his eyes again.

"_Nate." _She whispered, almost in a plea. _Dan and Blair were right around the corner and probably wondering what was taking them so long. She could not be caught like this, she was trapped between the wall and his body, and their lips were treacherously close. There were so many things wrong with this situation, and her brain was screaming for her to move and go back to Dan, but her traitorous body would not budge._

Nate didn't know how he let them end up like this, one moment he was just so angry with her and just wanted to force her to talk to him, and the next he has her against the wall and his eyes were glued to her lips, and their breathing was picking up anxiously. _He couldn't do this, and that was more obvious than anything in this situation. He was with Blair, he loved Blair, and he would never cheat on her…again. She had been so hurt the first time, he had messed up so bad, and had felt so guilty about the whole thing. He just couldn't go back to that place. Serena did not want to be with him, she wouldn't want him to break up with Blair for her, and he wouldn't want that either. They were two different people in two different lives, and they were only meant to be friends. He knew all these things but it was near impossible to move away from her… what was it about her that was so damn irresistible? This was wrong; he couldn't risk his relationship for something that's not even real. Serena doesn't want to be with him. _Nate clenched his jaw, as he mustered up the strength to pull away from her. But just as he took a step back, she grabbed his collar.

There was a momentary second where they looked each other in the eye and before Nate knew it she had crushed her lips against his. And it was like instantly all the previous thoughts had washed out of him as he crushed her against the wall, urgently attacking her lips back. And it was like the two had been anxiously waiting for this moment as they roughly pulled at each other, their lips attached in a bruising kiss. Serena moaned breathlessly as he led kisses down her neck, before dominantly claiming her lips again. Their tongues wrestled between their mouths, wanting to get as close as possible.

This was almost déjà vu from the night at the bar, the first time they had kissed. And it was like simultaneously they realized where that had ended, and all the consequences of that night, and it was like cold water thrown at them as they pulled away from each other, eyes wide.

"Oh fuck," Serena groaned, and almost on cue Nate felt his phone vibrate in his coat and he pulled it out to see Blair calling.

'Blair, I'm coming." He answered quickly before turning it off and looking back at Serena, "What just happened here," He asked with a frown.

"_This _is why we cannot be alone together Nate," Serena said, guilt beginning to suffocate her, "We just… we're both in relationships… oh my god, Blair and Dan… we just cheated on them." She whispered stricken. _How could she have let this happen? How could she have kissed Nate! What was wrong with her, she just cheated on Dan. _

"That was amazing, let's be real, we both equally want that. And I know we just messed up, but if we are honestly unable to keep our hands off each other alone, then there is a bigger issue here that can't be resolved by just avoiding each other, you realize that right?"

Serena shook her head, "I cant believe this!"

"What happened Serena?" Serena turned around cringing when she saw Dan walk towards them, "What took you so long and what can't you believe?"

Her heart almost stopped in panic.

"I was just telling her about the present I'm thinking about getting Blair for her upcoming birthday." Nate filled in quickly, "I just met her in the hallway and decided to run a few things by her about Blair's birthday and I need her to help me throw her a surprise, cause who really knows Blair better than Serena." There was nothing friendly about the way Nate spoke to Dan, but the excuse was enough to buy for Serena to compose herself.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I took so long, we can go now," Serena said quickly, and Dan nodded before turning to leave.

"Serena, think about what I said," Nate whispered to her before she left.

**A/N Okay so clearly this story was started like four years ago and has been left hanging, I just read it myself last night and really wanted to update more. I felt like there was so much chemistry between NS that they needed something besides the aghast, like friggin kiss already. **

**Okay so clearly this is gonna make things a lot messier for everyone involved, especially S and N.**

**Not gonna reread it to edit it I hope its okay, I have an exam in two days I'm crazy to even do this… **

**Okay gotta go! I don't know if anyone even remembers this story from 4 years ago, but I guess I'm doing this more for myself lool. Okay enjoy if theres any readers! **


	11. Lips Of An Angel

"Why are you saying this, Serena?" Dan asked bewildered.

"It's not permanent Dan, I just, I need some space to figure something's out." She whispered, unable to make eye contact with him. _Truth is, the guilt of cheating on Dan has been eating at her ever since its happened. It was hard for her to get through dinner sitting across him; she could barely look up at him. She could do this to Dan, he was such a good guy… she's never met anyone like him. And the love and trust in his eyes made her feel so very small. She felt so horrible for doing what she did, that she knew one thing was for certain… she needed to figure things out without dragging Dan along. She was indulging her time with him not only because she wanted to spend time with him, but also, shamefully, a way to distract her from Nate. Which was so wrong. She couldn't use Dan like that, she cared for him too much. So she needed to take a break so she could clear things with Nate, settle that confusion and then come back to Dan completely clear._

"Why do you need to be away from _me_ to figure this stuff out, does it have to do with _us?_" He asked, his eyes wide in surprise, _one moment everything's okay, the next moment… she wants a break?_

"No, I _love _you, I do. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it is _me_, and this is not a breakup because that would honestly break my heart. I _want _to be with you, but I need some space right now. _Please_, just respect that. And I will be back, just wait for me… please." Serena begged.

"It's not fair for you to leave me like this and ask me to wait around when I don't even know what's going on and what you need to figure out and _why _you need space."

Serena sighed, "You're right. I'm being selfish… I can't expect for you to wait for me. But I don't want to break up with you… I honestly just need a break… some space… just for a bit."

Dan sighed, "Oh man Serena, I don't know what's going on… but who am I kidding, of course I'll wait. Because you're worth it."

Serena smiled sadly, leaning forward to bring him into a warm embrace, "Thank you, Dan."

_Honey why you calling me so late?  
It's kinda hard to talk right now.  
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?  
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

Nate sat there with his head in his hands as he heard Blair barking orders downstairs of how things need to be planned for the birthday party she was throwing at her place for him on the weekend.

All he could think of was how he had Serena pressed against the wall in that passionate kiss earlier that night…._ He was screwed up, he cheated on Blair with her best friend… again. Why did this keep happening? He felt like him and Blair were meant to be, they have been going out for years now, Blair has their whole life planned together. Yet, why can't he stay faithful to her… this is the second time he's cheated on her, and both times its been with her best friend… with his best friend. Why can't things just be as black and white as they use to be, why wouldn't this twisted little love triangle thing they have going, go away?_

He felt his phone vibrate on the bed next to his leg and he picked it up to see Serena's name flashing on the screen. His eyes widened, he was surprised she was actually willing to talk about tonight rather then run… like she's done every other time in the past. He answered the call.

"Serena,"

"Hey Nate," He could hear from her voice that she was really upset, _was she crying?_

"Serena about what happened today-…"

"No, Nate I'm really sorry. That was all me, I'm the one who initiated that kiss, and I'm really sorry. I know I've been really hot and cold towards you and it's really confusing for you… and it's unfair." She whispered, her voice cracking, "I really messed up tonight, and now I don't know what to do. After last time, I feel like we should be honest, but I don't want to hurt Blair as badly as we did last time, and… Dan, it would crush him."

"I was thinking about it too, and Serena, I wonder… the fact that this kiss happened, and that night on the bar stool… there has to be a reason that we keep messing up… there has to be a reason why we can't stay away from each other. It's not normal for you to need to avoid me completely to avoid these mixed feelings we're having. If there is nothing between us, then it shouldn't matter if we're stuck in a room together for two days, there should be nothing to worry about because we love Blair and Dan, right?"

There was a silence at the other end for a moment, "I don't know what's going on Nate, I don't _want_ to have these confusing feelings, I honestly wish we could be best friends like we were, because I miss having you in my life. But being in each other's life leads to things like tonight, which jeopardise our relationships." Serena whispered sadly, "And we can't just go with a hunch and ruin our relationships and friendships to give us a try, because if this is really just confusion and we really do belong with Dan and Blair, we won't get them back. Blair's my best friend, she will never trust me again, and they will never open up to us again."

"I know Serena, I understand that. Blair would never forgive either of us if I broke up with her to be with you. And I do love Blair… we've been together for so long… she's the only serious relationship I've ever had, and everything with her just makes…sense." Nate reasoned, and it was true, his relationship with Blair has been the only thing he's known. Everything in his life has been defined by it, _Blair has already chosen the name of their kids! _ What if this thing with Serena is just a way to rebel against what feels like such a narrow path that has already been defined for him? What if he's only going against Blair now because he's so overwhelmed with the commitment Blair has made their relationship to be. Blair doesn't see anything less than _forever_, for them, and Serena represents freedom… what if this has less to do with love and more to do with wanting what he can't have?

Serena nodded on the other side of the phone, "I get that, because with Dan everything has fit so perfectly and he just… he makes a better person. I've never been serious like this with anyone, I've never been in a real relationship expect this… I don't want to lose that, _but_ I can't help this attraction I have towards you… _it hurts me to see you with Blair_,_ Nate_." She admitted vulnerably, and wished she hadn't said that as soon as it escaped her lips. _She can't be this honest with him, she can't let him know how hard it is for her to see them together. _

Nate smiled sadly, "I feel the same when I see you with Dan."

_Well, my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on  
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak_

Nate could hear Blair's footsteps coming up the stairs, "Look Serena, I want to meet you in twenty minutes at the Blue Bar at the Venue."

"Nate-…" Serena began to object.

"I'll see you soon," He answered before hanging up.

"Nate who were you talking to?" Blair asked, as she entered her room.

"Uh, I was on the phone with Chuck," Nathan answered quickly, "Listen I'm going to go grab my books from the other room and I'll see you tomorrow," He whispered, unable to look her in the eyes.

As soon as he quickly excused himself, Blair frowned, "What the…"

She spotted his phone on her bed and quickly glanced at the door before grabbing his phone and going to call history, _Serena_. Blair frowned,_ why would he lie about who he was talking to?_

"Nate," Blair called, as she came down the stairs. Nate, who was about to get in the elevator, stopped and turned towards her.

"You forgot your phone," She said, as she passed him his phone, her eyes searching his. But he didn't say anything.

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

She watched as she the elevator closed behind him before quickly dialling a number on her phone, "Chuck, Nate just lied to me about being on the phone with Serena, why would he do that?"

Chuck smirked, "That limo ride that night was the best thing you've ever done for yourself. I told you, you don't belong with _him_, he's the perfect knight and Serena is the perfect princess. You belong with _me._" He replied cockily.

"Shut up Chuck, I didn't call to hear this crap. _Nate_, is _my_ boyfriend. _We _are the perfect pair, you and Serena were our biggest mistakes in our relationship." She replied dryly, "Now I need your help. We need to find out what's really going on here, and if he is cheating on me with her again… I _will _destroy Serena."

Chuck laughed mockingly, "Here you are, hiding the fact that Serena's boyfriend might not be as faithful as she thinks he is, just to ensure that Serena isn't single and available for _your_ boyfriend, isn't that kind of sad? And if they _are_ getting it on behind your back, then it would be comical. You shouldn't need to hide things from your bestfriend just to keep your boyfriend… what kind of relationship is that? And Blair, the joke will be on you. It's taking you so much effort to keep them apart that if they're still together behind your back, you deserve it. You know they'll always have something for each other, just like _you_ will always have something for me."

"Shut _up_ Bass, I don't care what you think! I will keep them apart, because Nate belongs to _me!_ Serena has always had _everything_, but Nate, Nate is the one thing I've always had over her, the one thing that's been just _mine_, I will not let her take him too, I won't!" Blair declared.

Chuck shook his head, "I knew it, it's always been more of a power thing… don't you see Blair, you don't really want to be with Nate as much as you don't want Serena to be with him. You know there's much more excitement and passion with _us_, yet you discard that because you don't want to leave Nate, _just _so Serena can't be with him."

Blair thought about it for a second, _is he right? Is Nate, Serena's Chuck? The way Blair cant deny that there's always going to be an attraction between her and Chuck no matter how much she denies it, does Serena feel that same connection with Nate? _A part of Blair knew that there were some truth in Chuck's words, but she ignored it… Nate is Blair's boyfriend, and that's that.

"So, you're not going to help me find out then? I would think you'd jump at the chance knowing that it could split me and Nate apart for you to take your chances at winning me over?" Blair asked with a raised brow, knowing she had him where she wanted him.

Chuck smirked, "Blair I know you too well, but there is some truth in what you're saying, and I bet a part of you wants the same thing… for you to be free for me. So, let me know what we got to do."

Blair nodded, "I will destroy Serena."

"Vanessa, _look _at me!" Dan exclaimed, as she pretended to busy herself in the book she had in her hands. She sat across the counter on the stool in his loft, and she was unwilling to accept what he had to say, "Vanessa, there is honestly nothing between us, I don't know why there's been a weird tension with us recently, and you keep pursuing something that doesn't exist. You and I were nothing but a childish love story. I _love _Serena, I haven't known love like _this_ before. Why can't you see that? We don't have anything here for you to pursue. You are my _best friend_, and I don't want to lose that because you mess things up thinking we are something we're not. Please, understand when I say, I love you as a friend, and that's it!"

Dan didn't know why it bothered him so much that she thought there could be something else between them, it led to confusion because he did once really love Vanessa, and she had left him. So he feels like shes trying to reopen old scars because she's jealous of how he feels for Serena now, and after finding out that their on a break, Vanessa is more than convinced that he's meant to be with her and not Serena. They both know they are just friends, and he had once mistaken that for more, and had made things awkward between them. But now that he had moved on and finally felt how it was to love and be loved, she wants to mess this up for him. And he was not willing to let some confusion with Vanessa, mess up his relationship with Serena.

"Honestly Dan, you can't deny that there is passion here, I felt it that day we almost kissed, and I still feel it. By saying all the things you're saying, it seems like you're trying to convince _yourself_ more than you're trying to convince me! This break from Serena is a good thing, because now we can-…"

"Vanessa, I need you to leave,_"_

"_What?"_

Dan opened the loft door, "Honestly, just _leave_."

Vanessa rolled her eyes, "One day you'll realize what I'm saying is right, and I hope it's not too late for us by then."

"Nate, why did you call me here?" Serena asked at the secluded area they were in, away from the typical upper east side venues.

"It's obvious, we need to meet in private, and not somewhere someone can see us together and post it on the stupid gossip girl website. We need to figure this out, whatever _this _is."

Serena sighed, "I know, but its not fair to drag our relationships through this, so I'm on a break with Dan right now because I need space for us to clear this out completely so I can be a better girlfriend to him."

"You're on a break with Dan?" Nate asked, maybe with a little too much happiness because Serena raised a brow at him.

"I just need space because the guilt of what happened is eating at me, and he's such a good guy I can't do this to him. But I do want to be with him, but only once we've cleared this out."

Nate nodded, sitting on the stool at the bar and ordering them drinks, "Serena sit for a bit."

Serena nodded as she took a seat beside him, "Nate… we need to figure out what _this _is." She whispered, putting her chin on her palms as her elbow rested on the counter.

"I think it's because we never got closure after that night…" He began, both reddening as they knew what night he was referring to, "And then you left, and we never got to actually talk about what happened that night and _why _it happened… and now its all those unsaid things that are coming back to haunt us."

Serena looked away, knowing that _that_ was all her fault. She ran, she didn't face what happened because she couldn't handle it. She didn't want to face the consequences, she didn't want to know why she had just made love to her best friends boyfriend.

"Does Blair know you're here?" She whispered, even though she knew the answer.

Nate shook his head, "No." he answered, his eyes on hers.

_It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too  
And does he know you're talking to me  
Will it start a fight  
No I don't think she has a clue_

"There is an unquestionable draw here," He whispered, his eyes trailing to her lips, "That night at the party where you were dancing with Dan… I don't know why that got to me the way it did. And I just had this feeling of needing to get away… from everything. I left Blair at the party, I bumped into you and needed to get away from you… I just… I don't know what had taken over me." He admitted, hesitantly.

She could see that this was hard for him, and she reached for his hand reassuringly, "Nate," she began, for some reason sharing her feelings have always been much harder for her. That's why she's always run away from messy situations, that's why she ran away that night, and that's why she's run away every time he tried to talk about _them_, but he was putting in a lot of effort to be honest so they could actually analyze their situation, and if she really did want to figure this out… she should too. _But why was her mouth suddenly going dry and no words leaving her lips? Why was this so hard for her?_

"Nate… I… it was hard… I just…" She began, not knowing how to start. Her feelings were so hard for _her_ to understand, how could she explain them to anyone else?

"I feel… a draw to you. I... think about you a lot. I miss you… I honestly… don't know what to say, but I know what you're feeling is similar to the confusion I'm feeling, but I just… I can't explain it because I don't understand it myself." She admitted defeated, and it was funny that she was reassuring him, when she did such a crap job explaining anything herself.

He squeezed her hand gently, and she looked up to meet his eyes, "It's okay Serena, I don't expect you to have the answers, c'mon relax a little," He jokes, "Let's dance,"

"Where?" She asked laughing, looking around at the quiet bar.

He pointed across the bar to a the club, "Lets go!" He said, and when she was about to shake her head he pulled her up, "When did we turn into such depressing people? Do you remember when we used to be _fun?_ Do we remember what _fun _is anymore?" He questioned with a grin, "It's always about feelings and emotion now-a-days, c'mon let's just be the old Serena and Nate for tonight."

Serena giggled, that contagiously cute signature Serena giggle that always makes Nate smile, "Alright, lets go," she answered, quickly downing her shot, "I missed the old us!"

They made their way across the road to the club and soon found their way to the new bar, and after downing a few more shots they were on the dance floor. They made funny gestures and stumbled around like they used to when they got drunk. _it was fun not to have to deal with their present lives, and just be the old carefree them. They put the present behind them, and just acted like the drunken morons they used to. They laughed, they stumbled and they danced. _

Serena smiled at Nate, _it was so nice to be with him like this again, just having fun. Not being sad or hurt, or trying to hide… it was just… it was good. _

Serena felt a drunk guy grab her arm from behind, before crushing her back against his chest, "Hey beautiful, want to dance?" He whispered in her ear slurred. It was the grossest feeling having his breath on her neck.

"No thanks," She replied coolly, as she began to move away, but he wrapped an arm around her waist, forcing her to stay against his chest.

Serena frowned, as she attempted to move his arm off her, but she didn't have to struggle for long because soon she heard Nate's voice, "What's your problem, let the girl go," He demanded.

Serena looked up to find an angry Nate glowering at the guy holding her.

The drunken guy laughed, "Yo, get out of here, I got her first."

"Let Her Go." Nate said between clenched teeth.

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do if I don't?" The guy demanded challengingly.

Nate grabbed the guys arm that was on Serena's waist and roughly pulled it off her to release her from his hold before angrily shoving the guy away.

Serena quickly pulled away from him and stood beside Nate, "Forget him, Nate," She insisted, trying to get Nate to walk away with her, but before she knew it they guy had retaliating, taking the beer bottle he had in his other arm and breaking it over Nate's head.

Serena screamed as Nate grabbed the side of his head wincing in pain.

The drunken guy, who could barely stand without stumbling stood across the now sobering Nate, "What the fuck-…"

But before he could finish, Nate had pulled back his arm and landed his fist right against the guys jaw with so much force that it instantly cause blood to spit from his mouth as he fell backwards to the ground, clutching his jaw in agony, "Don't ever touch her again," Nate yelled over the music, before taking Serena's hand and leading her away.

Serena stopped him right by the bar and took a look at the blood at the top right of his forehead, right at the hairline. It was a gash from the force of the bottle breaking over it, and Serena quickly grabbed a wet towel before pressing it gently against his forehead, "_Nate_," She whispered.

_It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak_

He smiled at her softly, shaking his head reassuringly, "It honestly doesn't hurt that bad," He promised as he took her hand and led her right outside where it wasn't so loud anymore.

She cleaned up his forehead and with a tissue before pressing the miniature towel against his cut again, "I'm so sorry," she whispered, it made her heart ache to see the cut on his head, especially knowing that it was because of her.

"Serena, he grabbed you, why are _you _sorry," he questioned, holding her other hand with his, "I hate seeing any other guy touch you, especially force himself on you like that, it makes my blood boil." He muttered angrily, looking back where the security was now assisting him out of the club and into a cab.

"That was really sweet of you to help me out Nate, thank you. And I wasn't scared, because I feel safe when you're around; I know no one can hurt me." She said with an honest smile, and she lowered to place a soft kiss against his cheek. Her lips lingered against his cheek for a moment, and he took this opportunity to turn his face and she place another soft kiss against the edge of his mouth. They both stayed like that, their lips lingering near each others, both trying hard to resist the temptation of locking lips again.

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

Serena pulled away slowly, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, "Should we go get that cut checked out by a doctor?"

Nate shook his head, "No, firstly no doctor will be open at 3am in the morning and secondly, its honestly not that bad, I'll be okay."

"Well lets go, I'll walk you to your house and wait till you fall asleep, because if it hurts a lot at any time, I want to take you to emergency and get it checked out alright."

They walked towards his apartment, "No honestly Serena, it's really not bad, you don't need to stay with me, you can go home and sleep, don't worry about it, honestly!"

Serena shook her head, "You got that cut because of me, so now its my job to make sure you're okay," She insisted, "No more discussion!"

"Serena," Nate said seriously, as they got in front of his apartment.

"Nate." She said with a raised brow.

He sighed, as they took the elevator up to his apartment. When they got there, she gave him his sweats and a t-shirt, before closing the door behind her.

"Wait, why am I kicked out of _my _room?" He questioned from outside, as he changed into the clothes given to him.

She came out a moment later in a pair of his shorts and baggy t-shirt, "I had to find myself something more comfortable then my dress," She answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He watched her awe-struck, _how the hell was this girl so damn beautiful even in his clothes?_

She grabbed him by his arm and led him to his bed, "Okay, now sleep. I'm going to sit right here and make sure you fall asleep comfortably and don't fall unconscious or something due to the head bruise. And I gotta make sure it doesn't get too painful or anything."

"You're _not_ staying awake all night Serena," Nate insisted, "You're making this into a much bigger deal than it is… I've been hit by a beer bottle before… I'm still alive… its not like I got knifed or anything. There's a cut and a bruise, which will be fine with some ice. That's it!"

"Oh crap, gotta get ice then!" She said as she jumped up from her seat.

"That's all you got from that entire sentence!"

She came back with an ice pack and lifted his head before moving the pillow out of the way and sitting against the head board before resting his head on her lap. She put a little band aid on the cut, before wrapping the ice pack in a light cloth and pressing it gently against his forehead. He winced as she pressed it against his bruise, but the cool did help ease the pain. She smiled at him, "Okay now go to sleep Nate, I'll make sure we fix this right up. And honestly if you feel too light headed, or something seems off, don't hesitate to tell me!"

Nate just smiled at her, _there was no point in trying to reason with her, and he enjoyed having her so close to him and tending to him, so he might as well just let her, _"Okay I will," He agreed.

"Good, now sleep. Goodnight _Natey_," She whispered.

"Goodnight Serena," He whispered with a smile on his lips as he closed his eyes. He hasn't felt this happy in a long time now.

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel__  
_

**A/n a little more detailed look into everyone else's lives as well. and more cute NS **


	12. Ride

Serena's eyes opened slowly, raising her hand to block the ray of sun from attacking her tired eyes. She looked around in confusion for a second, waking up in a room that wasn't hers or Dan's. But it quickly dawned on her that she was in Nate's room, but he wasn't. She pulled the baggy shirt up to cover her bare shoulders, before making her way to the kitchen where she found Nate brewing coffee and scrambling eggs in the pan.

"Wasn't I supposed to be taking care of you?" She asked with a smile. He stood there in his pajamas and a wife beater, his muscular arms out for full display causing Serena to have a strong urge of wanting those arms around her.

He grinned at her, "You took care of me for about… uhm… 15 minutes before she were passed out beside me,"

Serena blushed, giving him a playful bump with her hip before taking the coffee pot out of the brewer and pouring it into two mugs for them. He put the eggs in their plate accompanying their toast and followed her to the table, "How's your head now, Nate?"

"It was a little sore when I woke up but overall I'm good," He answered as they sat across each other, "It's really nice having you here Serena," He admitted honestly.

She smiled, "It's really nice being here."

They ate together in a comfortable silence, the peace that had been absent for them both for so long now, was among them now, enjoying being alone together. Serena didn't need any words, they just complicate things… for now she relished this moment. When they had eaten, she stood next to him by the sink as he soaped the dishes and she washed them, and that's when he finally spoke.

"No matter what happens with us Serena, I can't lose you in my life."

Serena's eyes softened, "I can't lose you either Nate, and you know you mean the world to me. This past month was brutal, not being able to see you or talk to you… no matter how much I hid it, I was miserable."

"Why are we doing this?" He questioned, "Why are we miserable?"

"What else can we do Nate?" She questioned with a sigh.

"We shouldn't continue something we're not completely happy with. If we can't continue our friendship in our respected relationships then there is obviously something wrong here right? Think about it, we should have nothing to worry about if there is nothing here between us, but I think you and I both know that's not true." He answered.

Serena froze, with the plate in her hand and she looked at him, "Nate, do you know what that means for everyone? I agree with what you're saying but we also need to consider the consequences. We would both lose Blair and Dan; I would lose _both _of them. What if a month down the road we realize that what we have wasn't real? We'll never get Dan or Blair back; it will all be for _nothing!"_

"I don't know about you, but for me… at least we would know. I'd rather lose everything than have everything we have now and this anguish. This incomplete feeling, where I'll be with Blair but I'll be thinking about you," He said as his soapy hand took Serena's in the sink, "I can't live my whole live thinking _what if? _ What if we had taken this chance together and felt love and happiness like we've never had before? What if I had just had the courage to let go of the safety blanket I have on… to leave my comfort zone and just explore this _thing_ we have between us." His eyes looked intently into hers.

Her heart was pounding faster, there were so many worries and concerns that she had… so many questions, so many obstacles… but she found being consoled by his eyes. _I'll be right beside you every step of the way. _

Before she could speak they heard knocking on the door, "Nate?" Serena heard Blair's voice call out, immediately her heart sank and her eyes widened, "Nate, are you in there? I've been texting you all night and you haven't replied, is everything okay?"

Serena found herself standing side by side with Nate, their hands joined, and wearing nothing but his shorts and baggy t-shirt… _there is no way this would look innocent. _

Nathan put a finger against his lips telling her to stay quiet; he looked back at the door hoping Blair would just assume he wasn't home.

"Nate?" Blair tried again annoyed, and it was followed by the sound of jangling keys.

Nathan's eyes widened and he turned to face Serena again, '_the spare key'_ he mouthed, causing the colour to drain out of Serena's face… _Blair had a key to Nate's apartment. _

Serena clutched Nate's arm in worry, "Nate, she can't see me here!"

Nathan nodded, and quickly led Serena to the pantry next to her, "Stay here!" he quickly closed the door behind before turning to the front door.

"Blair?" He called out, before rushing to open the door himself, "Sorry I was still sleeping and didn't hear the door earlier," He mustered.

She walked in with a raised brow, scanning her surroundings, "Where were you all night?" She questioned, finally settling back onto his face.

Nathan scratched the back of his head nervously when Blair's eyes widened, "And what happened to your forehead?"

Serena tried to hold her breath in the pantry, her heart beating out of her chest nervously.

Nathan squinted, "I was at the bar and some drunken dude clobbered me," He said lamely.

"What the hell? What kind of bar was this?" She exclaimed, "Were you in Brooklyn?"

Nathan chuckled, "No, honestly I don't even remember, I was too drunk…"

"Why didn't you reply to my texts… or call me back?" She questioned suspiciously.

"Blair, I honestly just took a pain killer for the bruise and passed out, my phones been dead all night." He lied, feeling the guilt creep in.

Blair nodded before leading him to the couch and when he sat down she took a seat on his laps, "Well I missed you," She whispered in his ear, before trailing her finger down his chest.

Nathan gulped, eying the pantry guiltily.

Serena couldn't help but frown, _this can't be happening._

Blair ran her hand against his biceps and captured his lips, causing him to pull away abruptly, "Blair…"

"What's wrong?"

"It's not a good time," He said lamely.

"How?" She asked confused.

"I think I'm coming down with something to tell you the truth," He said quickly, clearing his throat, "My throats been feeling very scratchy."

"Oh eww!" Blair said, quickly putting distance between them, "I really can't get sick right now, with the fashion show just around the corner!"

Nathan nodded feigning disappointment, "I thought you'd feel that way."

Serena felt relief wash through her body.

"Well in that case," she stood back up fixing her dress, "We should get started on your guest list for the party Saturday!"

Nate groaned, "Blair, you know I don't care about that stuff… and honestly right now I just want to rest."

Blair rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll deal with it myself. You get some rest and go to a doctor perhaps… I need you in tip top shape for your birthday!"

He nodded, as she kissed the top of her forehead, "See you later in the afternoon,"

Serena waited to hear the door close behind her and Nate to finally open the pantry door before following him out.

"I'm sorry Serena,"

She shook her head, "This is _so_ wrong. Here we are, talking about a chance of us… when you're in a relationship with Blair. We've done this to her before… I'm not willing to be that girl again Nate." She felt disgusting for having feelings for Nate again… for that kiss that happened the night before.

_"I'm sorry I hurt you the first time, but I won't do that to you again, I won't take your boyfriend from you. I don't want that, I really do love Dan," _

She remembered reassuring Blair not too long ago that she was no threat to their relationship… but look at her now, hiding out in Nate's pantry when Blair drops by. She had hurt Blair so bad last time around, she couldn't do that again.

Nate nodded, "I know… and I don't want to be that boyfriend either. I don't want to come in between the relationship you two share… but it's not fair to Blair for me to be dating her and leading her on when I know that there is no way I can be even emotionally faithful to her right now. I can't deny how I feel any longer; it's not fair to me, her, or you." He whispered.

Serena could see the sincerity in his eyes, but her heart remained heavy, "I don't know what to do." She whispered vulnerably.

_Don't break me down__  
I've been traveling too long__  
I've been trying too hard__  
With one pretty song_

"Do you think it's fair to Dan to continue leading him on when you know there's something here? Something, that won't let us be just friends and also leaves us miserable without each other in our lives? And do you really think it is fair to Blair to let her be in a relationship where you know the other person is thinking of another girl? That's your call Serena, I can't make that decision for you I can only control what I do. And I know that I need to end things with Blair right now so I don't continue being emotionally or physically unfaithful to her while I feel the way I do." He whispered, taking a step closer to Serena, causing her heart to race involuntarily. He took her hand in his, and placed it against his chest, "I feel the same way, Serena," He admitted, letting her feel his heartbeat pound against his chest. His other hand brushed a stray hair away from her face before lingering against her cheek. She raised her eyes to meet his and they were locked. She felt her knees weaken as her other hand moved up his arm to rest against his bicep.

_Who was Serena kidding; it was impossible for her to deny these feelings any longer. When she was with him, she didn't need anyone else, she didn't think of anyone else… and it felt right. She didn't feel that way when she was with Dan because her heart also ached for Nate. She felt love with Dan as well, but she didn't feel this passion… she didn't feel this near painful passion that was always present between her and Nate. When their eyes locked like this, she knew there was no place else she'd rather be. Once against she felt an irresistible pull toward him,_

"Nate, we can't-…" She began, half heartedly trying to put some distance in between them.

But he stopped her mid-sentence, as his hand left hers on his chest before making his way to her waist, tugging her closer so that she was pressed against him. She felt breathless, _he made her powerless._

"We…" She began, her lips feeling dry as her heart raced, "Can't." Even she didn't believe herself.

His arms tightened around her, as his lips teasingly brushed her ears, "Do you want me to let you go?" He whispered hoarsely, causing a shiver to run down her spine.

_I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast__  
I am alone in the night__  
Been trying hard not to get in trouble, but I,__  
I've got a war in my mind_

When she didn't reply his arms loosened around her, causing an involuntary moan to escape her lips and he smirked before capturing her parted lips in a dominant kiss. Almost immediately she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands cupped her ass pulling her up to wrap her long legs around his waist, as he staggered toward the couch he had been sitting on with Blair moments earlier.

The thoughts in her mind fought against each other, thoughts of Blair and Dan, but as Nate deepened the kiss, all thoughts disappeared, and their tongues wrestled each other between their locked lips.

_Don't leave me now__  
Don't say good bye__  
Don't turn around__  
Leave me high and dry_

She felt them topple onto the couch as he landed on top of her and groaned in desire, his hand slipping under the baggy shirt she was wearing. She ran her hand against his bare chest under the wife beater. It was like they couldn't get close enough and in the back of Serena's head she knew they had to stop soon before things went too far.

_Singing blues has been getting old__  
You can be my full time, baby__  
Hot or cold_

His mouth enclosed aggressively against her neck, and she moaned in pleasure, "Nate," She whispered in warning.

And Nate knew as well, no matter how tempting this was, they needed to stop before they were left regretting another bar stool incident. He groaned as he pushed off her, trying to calm his racing heart and the urge to jump her again. Serena quickly got up, fixing the shirt, "This is not the solution to us not wanting to be those people again…" She said half jokingly.

Nate agreed, "I need to end things fast because it's getting harder and harder not to repeat my mistake."

_I've got a war in my mind__  
So, I just ride_


End file.
